


I Was Watching Your Eyes

by amethystfox, ayerlind



Series: I Could Live a Little More [23]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Aftercare, Aldertonghen, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Degradation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Everyone is Poly Because Spurs, Feels, Flash Forward, Fluff and Angst, Gazzaweireld, Hair-pulling, I don't think I made enough references to just how often Toby is shirtless, I have an obsession with Paulo's obsession with Toby's hair and I'm not sorry, Insecurity, Jazzaniga, Light Bondage, M/M, Name-Calling, Nipple Clamps, Paulo getting possessive is unnaturally hot, Paulo is the MacGyver of sex props, Paulo's secret chocolate drawer revealed!, Restraints, Rough Oral Sex, Shower Sex, Tender Paulo, Tender Toby, Vulnerable Paulo, Vulnerable Toby, can't forget the spanking, healthy relationship dynamics are my fetish, like... a lot of it, oh and there's spanking, selective mutism, sleepover, stimmy Paulo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23769991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystfox/pseuds/amethystfox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayerlind/pseuds/ayerlind
Summary: February 2020Outside of a scene, Toby calling him ‘sir’ unprompted was usually a request for one, which occasionally meant that things inside Toby’s head weren’t going so well.
Relationships: Paulo Gazzaniga/Jan Vertonghen, Toby Alderweireld/Jan Vertonghen, Toby Alderweireld/Paulo Gazzaniga, Toby Alderweireld/Paulo Gazzaniga/Jan Vertonghen
Series: I Could Live a Little More [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621807
Comments: 29
Kudos: 19





	1. Mine

**Author's Note:**

> by [ayerlind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayerlind/pseuds/ayerlind)

London  
February, 2020

  
  


Exiting the training centre, Paulo made a noise of surprise at just how much the temperature had continued to drop just in the amount of time it took him to shower and eat after drills. He tugged his snood up so that it was covering the bottom half of his face instead of just his neck, and looped his heavy training bag over his shoulder so that he could stuff both of his hands into his pockets. 

Up ahead of him, he saw a small lump that was roughly the size and shape of a very cold Toby, who was hugging his knees, sitting on the kerb near Paulo’s car, presumably watching him cross the long parking lot. Paulo took pity and clicked the key fob in his pocket; when the lights flashed, Toby scrambled off of his ass and into the car, closing the door behind him. Paulo hit the remote start so that Toby could have heat, too, and so that it would be warming up by the time he got there - his parking spot was annoyingly far from the door. 

Paulo had broken into a half-jog by the time he reached the car, spurred on by the biting wind at his back. He slid in, making a wordless sound of discomfort as he shivered his way out of his scarf and the puffiest of his layers, then sighed and relaxed back into the seat, feeling it already warm underneath him - Toby had turned on the seat warmer for him.

Once Paulo was divested of his cumbersome outerwear, he turned to Toby, expecting him to be waiting for Paulo’s attention, but he was just looking down at his phone, and Paulo frowned. “How long you wait out here?”

Toby made a dismissive noise as they both put on their seatbelts and Paulo began the journey out of the parking lot. “Not too long. About three levels,” he said. Now, at least, he held up his phone, showing whatever game he was playing, and gave Paulo a little smile. 

Paulo wasn’t sure whether those levels were long or short, but he felt bad that Toby had gone all the way to the car. He had stood around for the better part of thirty-five minutes after lunch just talking with Hugo and Michel about nothing so that Toby would be squirmy - not so that he would freeze. 

“Toby, I figure you would wait for me inside, where it’s more than nine degrees,” he admonished, pointing at the car’s thermometre before reaching over to squeeze Toby’s knee. Even though Toby was dressed warmly, it wasn’t enough that he could have been terribly comfortable. 

Toby didn’t say anything, only dropped a hand onto Paulo’s and held on, and Paulo frowned. He flipped his hand over so that they could lock fingers, bringing Toby’s hand over to his lips in order to kiss the back of it, and the ridge of every knuckle without taking his eyes off of the road. 

“What’s wrong, _mi cielito?”_

The silence stretched until Paulo wasn’t sure he was planning on answering. 

“Toby,” he said a bit more sternly. 

Toby fidgeted with his phone in his free hand. “I just miss my girls. You know me - I worry.”

Paulo absolutely kicked himself. Toby’s wife, with their daughter in tow, had gone ahead back to Belgium in anticipation of Shani's due date. After days of discussion, they had decided they wanted to be around more family than they had locally, for their parents and siblings to be nearby whenever she gave birth. Her due date was still more than a week away, but they'd figured was better to be safe than sorry. Toby planned to go straight there as soon as he could, but they still had Southampton to deal with, and until he was with them again, Toby would be anxious. He got antsy enough being away from them even in regular situations like away matches, occasionally fighting with a steady series of intrusive thoughts that it was hard for him to escape. And if Paulo had been thinking, he would have checked in with Toby throughout the day, given him more attention - to the extent that he could, around the rest of the squad, at least. But he hadn’t been. 

He boxed up the anger that he felt toward himself - his entire purpose as Toby’s Dom was to take care of him in every way he possibly could, and he needed to focus on that, not on his own mistakes right now. 

Instead he gently opened a door with, “You are anxious about Shani and Ayla being away?” so that he could talk about it, if he wanted to.

Toby’s phone trilled loudly with a text message, and both of them jumped a little in the otherwise silent car. Traffic had all but come to a standstill, so Paulo looked over at him just as he checked it. Whoever it was, it wasn’t his wife - he still had that furrow in his brow that would develop with every text he received that wasn’t from Shani. Once he heard from her, he would relax for a little while, but the progress of creeping anxiety would slowly begin again. 

“That’s what it is, no?” pressed Paulo. 

An automatic objection appeared to die just as Toby began to stutter it out, and he scooted in his seat instead so that he could slump to the side and rest his head on Paulo’s shoulder, his elbow propping him up on the centre console. Paulo shifted his arm to better support Toby, and since they were still barely moving at a crawl, turned to press a kiss to his forehead. 

Toby sighed. “Yes, sir.”

Paulo nuzzled against the top of his head, his heart hurting. Outside of a scene, Toby calling him ‘sir’ unprompted was usually a request for one, which occasionally meant that things inside Toby’s head weren’t going so well. He had a feeling that what Toby needed right now was complete surrender, complete distraction, to just be in control of nothing at all so that not being able to take care of his family from afar didn’t seem like such a crushing weight

“We can start as soon as we get home,” promised Paulo. He felt Toby squeeze his hand, and Paulo kissed his head again just before they turned off of the main thoroughfare, leaving the traffic behind. “If it’s what you want.”

Toby nodded against his shoulder, then reached out to the screen in order to mess with the Bluetooth. His phone was fourth in the list; he attached it to the car and scrolled through his music, eventually landing on something soft and Dutch, a woman singing about someone called Dominique.

Paulo had no idea what the words were, but when he picked up the melody of the chorus easily enough, at least, he started to hum along, feeling Toby’s weight get heavier against him as he relaxed, if only marginally. The song wasn’t even over yet when they arrived at the house, so Paulo left the car on, staying right where he was, propping Toby up, heads resting together, holding his hand and humming to him in the deepest range that he could manage until the song finished. 

When it did, Paulo pressed a kiss against the stiff strands of Toby’s hair, rousing him from his shoulder. Toby’s smile was shy and dazzling and felt like it was made just for Paulo, who felt himself blush. Even the most cold-hearted, impassive, dominant personality would struggle to keep Toby’s smiles from warming them from the inside out, though. 

“Go ahead,” he said, and Toby scrambled out of the car, practically running to the door, fishing his keys out of his training bag on the way. Paulo took his time following, actively trying to centre the headspace that Toby needed him to be in. It usually didn’t take him any effort at all; maybe it was just that he was tired from how hard he’d pushed himself at training today, maybe it was that niggling annoyance at himself for letting Toby get upset enough that he needed this so badly at all. But walking in the front door ended his struggle immediately. 

Toby must have literally run from the front door to the bedroom and back. He was waiting for Paulo, kneeling just inside the door. He had clearly started to undress but thought better of it, down to his undershirt and with his belt unbuckled. His collar was on, his eyes on the ground, hands clasped behind his back, and relief obvious on his face already. 

Paulo suddenly didn’t need any help getting into the right mindset. Seeing Toby knelt there like that, just the way he knew Paulo liked, ready for his command, trusting him entirely - it swept over him like a furnace blast and he dropped his things just inside the door, striding over to Toby and seizing him by the hair. When it was still gelled down like this, it was a bit harder to dig his fingers into, but he felt the satisfying crackle of the gel giving way as he snatched Toby’s hair into disarray in his fist. 

Toby’s gasp stuttered into a moan, and Paulo could see some of his tension melt away as he leaned into the harsh grip. 

“ _Dios mío_ ,” he murmured, tipping Toby’s head back so that his face was turned upward. Paulo watched him and his beautiful eyes. Toby had, by far, the hardest time not looking at Paulo, and seeing him struggle so much because he simply found Paulo too beautiful to look away from filled him with something so warm and hungry and intense that he pitied the rest of the world for missing out. 

He held him there for five seconds, ten, twenty, thirty - and Toby never looked up. 

“So patient,” Paulo murmured approvingly, using his other hand to gently stroke Toby’s cheek. “So good. You’re so good for me, _mi cielito.”_ With his left hand still twisted into Toby’s hair, he hooked two fingers of the other into the o-ring of Toby’s collar and used them both to bring him to his feet, not even letting him get his balance before forcing him into a hard, messy kiss. A needy groan was drawn out of Toby, muffled by Paulo’s mouth, and then Toby was surging forward so suddenly and insistently that they both stumbled. 

Paulo nipped Toby sharply on the lip. Not enough to draw blood - but enough to remind him who set the pace. 

Toby whimpered in pain. “I’m sorry, sir,” he breathed when Paulo pulled away. 

Paulo ignored his speaking out of turn and tightened his hold, dragging Toby’s head to the side, desperate to taste his skin, fully prepared to pepper the hard, defined line of Toby’s traps with bruises. He had barely started to suck the first one to life when he stopped dead, pressing his face into Toby’s skin and inhaling deeply. Toby smelled like Michel’s soap, which Paulo recognised simply by virtue of the goalkeepers being together so much. Presumably, Toby had forgotten his own today and borrowed some from his friend, but knowing that fact wasn’t enough to stop a possessive spark from flaring red hot somewhere deep and dark inside him. 

Wrenching away, Paulo shoved Toby back down onto his knees. “Yes, you are,” he growled. 

He whirled around to the set of hooks by the door. There were six - two held coats, one had a travel-size umbrella dangling from it, one was reserved for Patricia's purse, and two held leashes. It was all in the power play, leaving his boys' leashes where anyone could see them, as if it didn’t matter one way or the other. To anyone who came over, they looked indiscernible from Teo’s - in fact, they basically were, and more than one person had teased Patricia about being one of _those_ people over-accessorising and spoiling their dog. Which, to be fair, she was - but in this case, only half of the leads were Teo’s. 

They were all identical apart from colour; one hook held Teo's, in green, blue, and gray. The other held leashes in black, yellow, and red. It was subtle enough that visitors to the house wouldn't be able to make the connection, but both Jan and Toby loved that their leashes were in those specific colours-- _their_ colours. They were simple nylon leads, nothing special about them otherwise, all bought from the same pet store at the same time, arm in arm with Patricia, with Teo trotting along beside her and Jan and Toby in tow, neither allowed input - or indeed to say a word at all. 

Snatching a leash that was no better than what he used for his dog from the wall, he clipped it to Toby’s collar and dragged him roughly to his feet, but he didn’t let up the pressure once Toby was up. He wrapped the lead around his fist, keeping it taut, keeping Toby’s face right in front of his.

“You smell like Mich.”

Toby stammered. “I-- I didn’t--”

Paulo let out some kind of noise, a mix between a hiss and a snarl. _“¡No te di permiso para hablar!”_

Paulo used his grip on the shortened lead to pull Toby forward into a bruising kiss, tongue delving forward so forcefully that Toby made a noise of surprise into his mouth. He claimed and abused every inch of Toby’s mouth that he could reach; he bit Toby’s lips, bit his tongue, sucked his lower lip until it was bright red and swollen when they parted, both panting. 

“You,” he said through clenched teeth, “are _mine.”_ He reached down between them and reminded him of that with a strong grip, ripping a low whine from Toby’s throat as he groped him through his jeans, pressing down with the heel of his hand. Toby was rock hard, biting down on whimpers, pushing desperately back against him. “And I don’t like what’s mine smelling like somebody else.”

He led Toby straight to the shower and stripped him down with no ceremony or even overt interest - though with Toby’s eyes obediently averted, Paulo was free to devour him with his own, biting his lower lip as he drank Toby in. He simply loved that way that his beautiful Belgian held himself when he was on display - he was so soft and demure, standing straight except for a submissive hunch of his shoulders, but he always flexed just the slightest bit, showing off the power that lurked below his eagerness to please. 

“Kneel down. Don’t move.”

Paulo went back out to the bedroom, pulling open the drawer of his bureau that was dedicated to his collection of toys and props, picking out a cheap pet store collar that he didn’t mind getting wet.

Then he saw something else instead, and he grinned sharply to himself. 

When he went back to Toby, he hadn’t moved a muscle. “My good boy,” he said softly, putting his hand gently on the back of Toby’s head for just a second as he passed to stand in front of him. “You need the toilet first, or no?”

Toby’s eyes flickered up, but he caught himself somewhere around Paulo’s navel and looked down again, bobbing his head affirmatively. “Yes, sir,” he murmured. 

Paulo let him go, but made him sit, smirking from the other end of the leash while Toby manoeuvered awkwardly to get his boner to aim properly, blushing bright red from his ears down to his chest as he leaned and shifted. When he was done and on his knees again, waiting, Paulo unclipped the lead from him, looping and knotting it to shorten it and slipping the handle over the showerhead before he turned the water on. It would give Toby nearly free range of the shower, but not let him leave it. 

From his pocket, he pulled a short silver chain. “Stand up.” 

As soon as Toby was on his feet, Paulo struck quickly, catching Toby’s nipples between his fingers and squeezing them simultaneously. Toby gasped, biting down hard on his still-swollen lower lip. If Paulo heard a tiny, desperate, “Please,” slip out of him, it was hot enough to let slide. 

Paulo let go, but he immediately replaced his grip with the bull-nose clips at either end of the thin silver chain that he’d brought with him from the bedroom. Once Toby’s nipples were securely clamped, Paulo tightened the clips, carefully watching Toby’s face for discomfort. As soon as he saw him reach it, they were tight enough. 

He’d meant them more for restraint than play, but Paulo couldn’t resist hooking a finger around the chain and pulling Toby forward. It was so tempting to kiss the abused lips that opened just enough to let out a soft mewl, but he only removed Toby’s collar so that it wouldn’t get wet, set it on the counter, then ushered him into the shower. With no real care for his arms getting wet, Paulo reached in after him and finally clipped the leash to the chain that connected Toby’s nipples, noting with satisfaction how he would have to strain just the slightest bit to reach for basically anything.

“I’ll be back.” Paulo pointed to the green bottle standing amongst the rest of the other various and excessive bath products on the ledge below the high frosted window, then grabbed Toby by the chin. “You use _mine.”_

He put down towels so that he could leave the shower door open and Toby plainly visible through it, then turned to go take care of a few things while Toby showered. When he reached the door, he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Toby, broad and chiseled and beautifully tattooed, standing under the hot spray, water sluicing over his hard muscles and making them shine, chained in place by his nipples, his dick hard and bobbing temptingly as he moved. Paulo just about groaned.

“Colour, _liefje?”_ he asked. 

Toby jumped a bit, too preoccupied with the effort it was taking to reach for a clean flannel to have realised that Paulo didn’t actually leave. “Green. Very green.”

“Good. Now keep yourself hard for me,” he said sternly. “Touch, yes - but don’t you dare come. Understand?”

Toby’s eyes widened a little in surprise - Paulo usually didn’t even let them do that - and he gratefully dropped a hand to wrap around himself, his whole body deflating with the relief of it even though he didn’t move it from there. “Yes, sir. And thank you.” 

Paulo left him to shower and wandered out to the kitchen in order to start the kettle and finally let Teo out of his crate and outside to do his business while he had a protein bar. Teo went out and came back in quickly, far more interested in following Toby’s scent down the hallway. Tail wagging, he disappeared around the corner toward the bedroom, then came back a few moments later, sitting down at the end of the hallway and staring dolefully back at Paulo. 

Paulo sighed when he saw his sad little eyes. _“Lo sé, mi hijito,”_ he said, and he crooked his finger. Teo followed the unspoken command and trotted up so that Paulo could squat down and pet him. “You always know when they deal with a lot of stress, eh?” He smiled, first at his sweet little beagle, and then in the general direction of the bedroom. “He’ll feel better soon, I promise.”

Without rushing, Paulo topped off his maté, then fixed a slightly more carb-heavy snack of a small fruit salad for Toby, and made him a cup of tea - very strong mint with a massive spoonful of honey - for after, in case he dropped. 

With that taken care of, he fed Teo, then sat on the floor once Teo had scarfed his dinner, giving him all the attention he deserved for a few more minutes. Teo almost immediately rolled onto his back, tail wagging, to request tummy rubs, and Paulo laughed softly. It made him think of Jan, simply because of how adorably silly he got when he would love on Teo, and he smiled, then pulled his phone out to take a picture, sending it to Jan. 

_ >>From: Jan V [13:26]: awww I love him _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:26]: and you obviously _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:27]: but you don’t lick me when I scratch your belly _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:27]: at least not recently _

_ <<To: Jan V [13:27]: _🙄  
_ <<To: Jan V [13:28]: are you done?_

There was a pause before his next reply. Paulo could see him in his mind, grinning victoriously down at his phone before sending his response. He loved his bratty little ginger. 

_ >>From: Jan V [13:29]: yes sir _😊

_ <<To: Jan V [13:29]: good. Are you free for video?_

_ >>From: Jan V [13:29]: Damn. No :( _  
_ >>From: Jan V [13:30]: Sophie’s already glared at me once for texting. Two of her cousins are in town and they’re over now. Extra kids, extra eyes etc_

_ <<To: Jan V [13:30]: then put your phone away and show them some respect _  
_ <<To: Jan V [13:30]: you may text me as soon as you’re free_

He didn’t like ordering Jan to ignore the instinct to contact him, especially when he had gotten so used to the satisfaction that he felt whenever Jan or Toby texted him back immediately - but he loved Sophie, too, and it wasn’t right for Paulo to be the focal point of Jan’s night with his wife and family.

_ >>From: Jan V [13:31]: yes sir. I love you_

_ <<To: Jan V [13:31]: I love you too. Be good. _

Paulo slipped his phone back in his pocket, kissed Teo’s nose, and stood up, dusting off his trousers and stretching his arms over his head. He retrieved Toby’s snack, then paused and smiled. He went to the drawer where he kept things like aluminium foil and ziploc bags, then took out a long, skinny box that proclaimed itself to be parchment paper. Crammed inside, though, were a majority of the original two dozen small bars of Belgian chocolate. Half were Jan’s favourite, and half Toby’s - he’d bought them after asking their wives for suggestions on how to comfort and care for them. Neither kind was terribly easy to find, nor were either of them cheap, so he kept them hidden and saved them for aftercare, and occasionally for days that just needed to be made better with chocolate.

Finally fully equipped, Paulo took Toby’s snacks into the bedroom, setting them on the bureau for afterwards. 

His last order of business was to retrieve the purple weighted blanket from its shelf in the closet. There were two - the other, a dark teal, was Jan's. It was one of the first things that both of them had listed during those same early conversations about aftercare. Unlike the leads, these were each unique to their preferences - Toby's was softer, heavier, microfibre rather than cotton. The cover was dense and fuzzy, and had an interesting sort of bumpy texture, strangely soothing to the touch. By contrast, the cover of Jan's was smooth and cool, and the blanket more breathable and a couple of pounds lighter. Their tastes were far enough removed from each other that neither Jan nor Toby even liked the feeling of the other's blanket, and both actually preferred no blanket at all, if it wasn't their own. 

Paulo set the blanket out, smiled in satisfaction, and headed toward the shower. He stopped short of the en suite, though, his smile turning sharper, and he perched on the edge of the bed for a moment, instead, just watching through the open doors. Toby was shampooing now, and Paulo drank it in, watching his torso stretch as his head tipped back, his throat exposed, the skin around his nipples stretched just slightly against the tension of the leash. 

A feeling that Paulo could only describe as a physical growl started to pulse under the surface of him and his cock pulsed right along with it as he watched Toby work around his restraint issues, occasionally reaching down to give himself a single stroke or two, but then forcing himself to stop, usually with a grimace. 

_That’s right._

_That’s mine._

Paulo pushed himself up off of the edge of the bed and dug a condom out of the bedside drawer without taking his eyes off of Toby. When he slipped into the bathroom, he leaned against the doorway and set the condom on the counter, smirking to himself. Because of the angle from the door to the shower, Toby’s back was mostly to him, so Paulo got to take his time, his gaze flickering hungrily from top to bottom and back. He couldn’t help lingering on Toby’s gorgeous, tight ass, the dips and ridges of his back that practically formed an arrow pointing down to where his perfectly round cheeks were just waiting for Paulo’s attention. 

Eyes still pinned, Paulo began to undress, dragging his t-shirt over his head with one hand and then immediately going for his fly. Once he was naked, he leaned against the doorway again, wrapping a hand around his insistent cock and sighing softly at the contact, watching Toby and stroking himself almost lazily until he was completely hard.

“Toby.”

Toby startled, glancing halfway over his shoulder, and Paulo could see him blush even though the hot water had already pinkened his skin all over, making him look absolutely radiant. Toby was - or had been, at least - a surprisingly modest person when he wasn’t under contract to show off for cameras. Paulo had caught onto that almost instantly, and it became a favourite punishment of his (and of Toby’s) to give Toby no privacy whatsoever. By now, after all that they’d done over the past several months, he was pretty sure that it had - at least, as a punishment - lost some of its sting. 

But clearly not all of it. 

Toby started to turn his head away bashfully, but Paulo scowled. “No, look at me,” he commanded. 

Toby tried to turn to him, but he was stopped by the nipple clamps. 

He winced and whined, and Paulo chuckled mockingly. “Aww. _Pobrecito.”_

Toby craned his neck again to look, instead, and Paulo smirked at how his jaw dropped completely. Paulo made a show of it, head tipped back, free hand drifting up, skating over his abs to tease his own nipples to attention, still with one hand wrapped around his cock. Toby’s eyes zeroed in on it, and a little pink sliver of tongue darted out to swipe across his lower lip. But then Paulo saw his shoulder move and flex a little as he moved his arm, hand going toward his own dick for another relieving touch. Snatching the condom off of the counter, Paulo crossed the bathroom in three quick strides and grabbed him by the wrist, startling a little squeak out of him. 

“Changed my mind,” he said in a rumble, and he loved the way Toby’s flushed face fell in frustration. _“No lo toques.”_

Not letting go, Paulo stepped into the shower, the steady pounding of hot water threatening to relax him too much already. He groaned contentedly and dropped the condom on the ledge so that he could wrap Toby in a hug from behind, pressing his dick against the cleft of the irresistible ass that had dragged him in here. He had a sudden and absurd mental image of the way old cartoons would show someone floating along, feet not even touching the floor, drawn helplessly after a delicious smell. With a soft breath of a laugh, he tucked his chin over Toby’s shoulder, found Toby’s other wrist with his other hand, and held both tightly, pressing Toby’s hands down against his thighs, tantalisingly close to his dick. 

He put his lips right next to Toby’s ear, only barely brushing against it. “What do you want, _mi cielito?”_ Using another firm touch to assert that Toby’s hands were not allowed to move, he left them where they were and let his own explore, fingers sliding up Toby’s hard abs to his abused nipples. The clamps were still secure, and Paulo teased the exact point of contact with careful fingers until Toby whined again in the back of his throat. Smirking, Paulo moved on, palms running all over Toby’s wet, naked body, following the outline of his hips, his trim waist, his broad back, nails scratching gently from his hair all the way down. Paulo cupped his ass, kneading the pliant flesh with eager fingers, spreading Toby’s cheeks just to hear a gasp shudder out of him. “Tell me what you want.”

 _“That,”_ Toby breathed, clearly straining with the effort it was taking not to move his hands, or press back into Paulo and incur the wrath of the nipple clamps, which made Paulo grin. “I want _that,_ sir, god. Please. I want to be yours. Yours, and nothing else right now.” 

"Then that's all you are," Paulo purred. _"Mine."_ He slipped his hands around Toby's hips, idly caressing the hard lines of muscle and bone, digging his fingertips in. He pulled Toby tight against him, enjoying the way Toby arched his back, desperate to keep the clamps from pulling cruelly at his tender flesh. Paulo ground lazily against him, digging his cock into that sweet space between Toby's cheeks, drinking greedily in the faint whimpers this drew, hovering deliciously on the boundary between discomfort and pain. “Safeword?” 

“Viral, sir.”

“Good boy.”

Toby squeaked when Paulo drew one hand back and slapped his ass sharply, just to see the flesh jiggle. He pressed his mouth to the nape of Toby's neck, his lips pulled back too far for it to qualify as a kiss, his teeth bared against his glowing pink skin, fragrant now with the scent of Paulo's own body wash. He didn't even try to keep in the possessive growl that rose up from deep in his belly, rumbling against the hard knob of bone at the top of Toby's spine.

"What to do with you," Paulo mused, tilting his head to nip at the smooth column of Toby's neck. 

Toby let out another squeak, making Paulo frown.

"Having trouble keeping quiet today, _concha?"_ he growled, reaching up to unclip the leash from the chain connecting Toby's swollen nipples. He tugged on the chain just below one of the clamps, just enough to force Toby to turn around, like a horse responding to the sting of the bit in its mouth. When Toby was facing him, Paulo pulled him in for another hungry, bruising kiss. He bit down on Toby's lip, finding the indentation he had left there earlier. He dug his teeth in and sucked viciously on Toby's lip at the same time, then released him only long enough to tangle his fingers into Toby's wet hair and drag his head down, forcing Toby to his knees. "Open," he commanded.

Without bothering to wait for any sort of acknowledgement, Paulo took hold of his dick with one hand and nudged Toby's lips with the tip, forcing them apart-- not that it took any forcing, really, as eager as Toby was. Paulo thrust forward, and again, and again, groaning at the heat that enveloped his cock as he settled into a rhythm. His hand relaxed in Toby’s hair, then twisted into it again - then he relaxed his grip, and then snatched him by his hair again. With every yank, Toby moaned, and with every moan, Paulo shuddered, feeling something remarkable at being able to reduce someone as powerful as Toby Alderweireld to this desperate, begging, beautiful mess. 

Warmth surged through him like a violent tide, everything from his belly down to his thighs tingling deliciously, blossoming red hot with each time he snapped his hips forward and heard those little noises coming out of Toby. 

_“Mierda,”_ he groaned, dropping his chin down. He had to steady himself with the hand that wasn’t wound into Toby’s hair, holding himself against the wall in front of him as he pushed forward into the waiting warmth. “This feels so good.”

It was a subtle thing, not giving Toby direct credit for just how good. He wasn’t doing any of the work here - so why should he be recognised? He wanted to be no one, nothing, nothing but Paulo’s. Paulo’s toy, Paulo’s to do with as he pleased. 

That kind of surrender and trust was absolutely intoxicating. To both of them.

He looked down at Toby and bit hard on his own lip to control himself before he closed his eyes again, groaning in appreciation. The image of his cock, wet and shining and flushed, sliding in and out of Toby’s gorgeous mouth, was burned into his eyelids, hopefully forever - Toby’s magnificent eyes squeezed shut with the effort of taking the length of him, his jaw slack and his lips stretched sinfully around it. 

Paulo felt Toby tap his thigh, and opened his eyes. 

Toby was looking up at him - not into his eyes, but his gaze hovered around Paulo’s chin and Paulo fought against all of his urges, pausing his rough thrusting, his hand still twined in Toby’s hair to keep him in place - and now just the head of Paulo’s cock still in his mouth. Even _that_ picture was enough to make Paulo have to sink his teeth into the inside of his lower lip again.

“Colour?”

Toby still had to answer around the dick in his mouth, which was slightly hilarious - but his quiet, barely-intelligible answer of, “Yellow, sir. I’m sorry,” was much less so. 

Paulo pulled out of Toby’s mouth entirely, his stomach going cold, something inside him twisting sickeningly, to think that he’d done something beyond what Toby wanted and needed. 

“No ‘sorry’,” Paulo ordered sternly. “What happened?” He tipped Toby’s head back. “Look at me. Too rough?”

Toby nodded silently.

“Tell me which,” Paulo said. 

“Just the, erm...” He pushed his wet hair back from his face, making it stick up for a second before the weight of the water all but flattened it again. Paulo thought that he’d put Toby in a place where he wouldn’t be getting hit by the spray directly, but maybe he hadn’t. 

“Yes?” prompted Paulo when Toby paused. He knew that Toby was searching for the right words, but he refused to let him sit there in discomfort of trying to explain himself properly. Paulo didn’t care about _properly_ \- he cared about _now._

“You’re just--” He looked so nervous that Paulo wanted to lift him off his knees, carry him to bed, wrap him up, and never let go - but he waited out the rest of his explanation, knowing that this was a conversation that needed to happen for both of them. “--Long,” he finally finished weakly. “I just forgot to-- we don’t really do _this_ enough for me to-- I just had the feeling like I couldn’t breathe and I was going to gag. I think water got up my nose or something, and I freaked out...” His beautiful summer blue eyes were wide and worried when he looked up at Paulo, and Paulo could see the threat of tears in the way his jaw clenched against them. 

Paulo swore a blue streak internally, but he didn’t let his face betray his mounting distress over making Toby uncomfortable for real, even accidentally. He’d never given an answer other than ‘green’ before - neither of his sweet boys had. It wasn’t a safeword, but it was still a minor heartbreak to know that Toby had felt anything other than completely secure under his care. Boundaries, comfort levels, and trust were all ongoing conversations throughout their relationship, and he had made it very, very clear to them early on: if they ever let him legitimately hurt or scare them simply out of fear of stopping him, the future of their relationship, at least this part of it, would be a serious part of the conversation that followed. They were under strict, non-negotiable orders to stop him. No matter what.

That didn’t make it any easier to hear.

At least Toby hadn’t used his safeword. That meant that for all that they had paused, they were still in the scene, and Toby was still trusting Paulo to know how to take care of him. And thank god for that. Paulo wasn’t sure he would be able to forgive himself if he ever pushed one of his boys so far as to use their safeword. 

_“Calma,”_ Paulo said softly - and only partially to Toby. He kept his moderate grip on Toby’s hair, but he carefully went down on one knee to be with him. “First, thank you for telling me. Now, you want to keep going?”

Toby nodded vehemently, the apprehension in his eyes briefly replaced by need, vulnerable and hungry. “Please,” he whispered. “Please, I don’t want to stop.”

“Then tell me what is still good for you.”

Toby bit his lip, trying to look down self-consciously, but Paulo kept a hand in his hair. 

“Tell me,” he said, the words soft, but still an unmistakable command. 

“I... having my hair pulled is good,” Toby mumbled, looking a little embarrassed now. “Erm. The... I like the name-calling. And all the— I mean, I love it. What we were doing.”

 _“Degradación,”_ Paulo said softly. He stroked Toby’s cheek, touch feather-light, reassured to his very soul by the way Toby leaned into it. “Do you like to be my toy when you are so stressed, _culeado?”_ he purred. It was simultaneously a line and a legitimate question - Paulo _had_ to make sure. “You like it when I see only a mouth to fuck right now?”

Toby visibly shivered despite the heat of the shower, and Paulo watched hungrily as Toby’s cock, which had softened to about half-mast the longer that they talked, began to fill out once again. “Yes, sir, please,” he said, his voice barely audible over the running water. “But I...” 

“I’m not going to do that again right now,” Paulo assured him. He smirked at Toby, pleased when he got a smile in return, equal parts grateful and bashful and impish. “You know I can be more creative than that, no?”

Toby nodded, and Paulo could feel that it was a much looser motion, like some of his tension had finally gone out of him. 

Paulo allowed himself a deep, cleansing breath. He finally let go of Toby’s hair in order to cup his face, so vulnerable, still flushed pink from a combination of all sorts of things, lips still beautifully abused. He kissed him gently and sweetly now, then pressed their foreheads together under the gentle spray of hot water.

He forced himself to set aside worrying to himself that he’d gotten cocky in the rhythm that they’d developed, too comfortable thinking that he knew Jan and Toby well enough to assume what they could and couldn’t take. He had plenty of time for fretting once he had taken care of Toby. 

When he was clear headed once again, Paulo got back to his feet, running his fingers through Toby’s hair and pushing it back from his forehead. “Ready?”

There was as much relief on Toby’s face now as there had been when Paulo had first walked through the door and found him desperate, collared, and kneeling, and the association made that familiar heat begin to bubble under the surface of him again. 

“Yes, sir,” Toby said, and then with the tiniest peek directly into Paulo’s eyes, murmured once again, just a bit defiantly, “Sorry.”

If it was meant to bait him back into the scene, it worked.

He growled and guided Toby to his feet by one strong hand around his upper arm, one finger hooking mercilessly around the chain of the nipple clamps and pulling them taut, pulling him close.

“I said,” he rumbled into Toby’s ear, “that you are not allowed to apologise for that.” 

Toby turned his head just enough to smirk and murmur, “Oh. Sorry."

“Brave,” Paulo growled and he bared his teeth in a sharp grin before sinking them into Toby’s neck, his whimper drawing Paulo forward, pressing against him from thighs to chest. “Too brave.” Paulo slid his thigh between Toby’s, seeking warm, slick friction against the soft skin and hard muscle of his quads, not letting up his simultaneous assault on the sensitive skin at the angle of his jaw, just under his ear. 

The occasional mark left behind could be explained easily enough - most of them had wives, after all, or at least girlfriends. There was nothing suspicious about showing up to training with a love bite or two. 

“And now, you make me find something else to take care of this mouth of yours.”

He slid a hand around the back of Toby’s head before he forced him back half a step, backing him up hard against the wall. Toby let out a raspy squeak at the shock of the cold tile on his hot skin, and his head bounced off of the cushion of Paulo’s hand.

Paulo towered over him, for all that his extra three inches could be considered towering. “Take them off,” he commanded, his eyes flickering down to Toby’s chest and back.

Toby’s eyes widened. 

He took a step back out of Toby’s space, and far enough to reach for another clean flannel from the small pile on the ledge, but he kept his eyes on Toby, watching hungrily as Toby winced, his fingers shaking just the slightest bit as he unscrewed one clamp at a time, finally releasing his swollen, bruised flesh. They’d been on a bit longer than usual, anyway; he wanted to hurt Toby to the extent that Toby _wanted_ to be hurt - but not beyond it.

Seeing the exquisite pleasure of pain on Toby’s face, his shoulders loose, his lips parted, head tipped back against the tile as the blood flow returned - not to mention his cock hard, curving upward temptingly, pleadingly, begging for attention - was too much for Paulo to bear. He had to wrap a hand around it, to feel Toby hot and throbbing for him, heavy and full in his hand. 

He couldn’t pull his gaze away from Toby’s chest, though, his nipples so, so dark now against his pale chest. He couldn’t resist that, either - there was no good angle for it, but he didn’t care, he attached his mouth to one of Toby’s flushed nipples, sucking strongly to help the blood flow return - a singularly excruciating experience.

Toby let out a high noise, something that would have been a sob if it hadn’t been so desperately lustful, and a broken, _“F-fuck!”_ followed. 

Paulo knew that strangled stutter, and he released Toby’s nipple and straightened, bracing himself against the wall and putting his face right in Toby’s. “No,” he snarled. “Look at me.” He wrapped his thumb and forefinger in a vice grip just under the head of Toby’s dick, keeping the pressure firm until he knew the impending orgasm had ebbed, his eyes drilling into Toby’s and making him burn and glow and shudder. 

After all of this, he knew that Toby would be sensitive, but he wasn’t expecting him to be _that_ sensitive. 

He leaned close, close enough to kiss, but he restrained himself, grinning sharply at how Toby whimpered and clearly struggled with the desire to close the gap. “I’m not done with you, and _you’re_ not done until I am.”

With that, Paulo snatched the nipple clamps out of Toby’s hand and held up the flannel, giving him no more warning than the sight of it before he pressed it against Toby’s mouth. The unspoken order was clear, and Toby obediently opened. 

Paulo stuffed the now-damp cloth into his mouth and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “You breathe okay?”

Toby nodded.

“Good.” Paulo spun him around roughly and pressed him up against the wall. “If you’re not sucking my cock, there’s no reason for you to have a mouth at all.” He kept one forearm strong against the back of Toby’s shoulders, pinning him to the wall but leaving both of his own hands free so that he could mess with the chain. Once he finally figured out the best way to improvise, he was pleased to discover that it was the perfect length, and he grinned to himself. He was able to wrap the chain around Toby's head so that it crossed in front of his mouth, keeping the cloth in place, and then attach the clips to each other, making sure it remained secure. 

Paulo grabbed him by the shoulder and half-turned him, then, just to see his face, eyes wide above his powerless mouth, the thrill bright within their depths. 

Then he pushed Toby back up against the wall, and growled, _“Stay,”_ in his ear. 

Paulo took a step back from him, standing directly under the deliciously relaxing spray of the shower, which was still as hot as it had been when he put Toby in here - switching to a tankless water heater had been one of his best investments _ever_ , in more ways than one - and let his eyes travel freely up and down Toby’s stunning body, considering just what to do with him. Then he noticed the black nylon lead, still dangling from the stem of the showerhead, and he went so far as to let out a soft, deep, “Ooooh...” as the idea began to form. 

Toby squirmed; Paulo could tell he was trying to restrain himself from looking, from reacting at all. 

Not hard enough, though. 

Without any warning, Paulo spanked him. It wasn’t a terribly sharp slap, but the surprise and the water magnified it, and Toby’s moan was muffled into the flannel stuffed in his mouth. Paulo opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, considering. Reprimanding a toy doesn’t make it work any better than telling something inanimate to ‘stay’ when it’s about to fall - you have to handle it yourself. 

So he spanked him again, this time on the other cheek, this time harder, and Toby let out another muffled cry. 

“How many times you make me do this?” Paulo snapped. “You think I don’t have better things to do than waste time trying to settle you down?” He landed another open-palmed blow, and this time Toby was silent. Paulo sighed harshly. _“Finalmente .”_

Now, he could reach up to the showerhead and unloop the lead. He didn’t untangle it from the messy knot that he’d had to come up with in order to keep Toby in place, just brought it up to his own mouth, biting down on the majority of the material, holding it there so that he had both of his hands back. With them, he grabbed Toby’s, wrenching his arms behind his back and bringing his wrists together. He snatched the lead out of his teeth and wrapped it around them, making a tangled knot and using the collar clip to secure it.

He quickly slid his fingers along Toby’s wrists and under the nylon straps, making sure that none of them were biting too hard into his flesh, then used it to yank him backwards. Toby stumbled into him and Paulo wrapped one arm around his chest, using his long reach to effectively trap four things at once in one strong motion - both of Toby’s arms, and both of Toby’s bruised nipples. Pulling Toby flush against his chest, Paulo put his mouth right by his ear. “Colour?”

It was muffled, but undeniably eager. “Green, sir.”

Paulo couldn’t deny the relief that washed over him, tempering his red streak for a second - but he only allowed it that second. “Good. Now shut up, and stand still.” He nipped Toby’s earlobe, then pulled down with the hand that was controlling Toby’s wrists. Because of the height difference already, he didn’t have to pull him into a harshly uncomfortable position, but Toby still had to arch his back in order not to stumble. 

With Toby’s arms pinned to his sides and his hands tied behind his back, there was a nice, tight little space in between the cleft of Toby’s ass and his immobile hands, and Paulo pressed his hips forward, groaning in satisfaction at the contact - _finally_ \- after having restrained himself for this long for the purposes of that exact payoff. He slid his cock between Toby’s cheeks, not even seeking entrance yet, just relishing the heat, the friction. Toby’s hands were tied in such a way that his palms weren’t even able to make contact, making him truly nothing more than something for Paulo to rub up against. 

Paulo used him like that for a good minute or two, fucking the space between Toby’s hands and his ass. With every thrust, the arm hooked around Toby’s chest would shift a little, and with every shift, Toby would shudder with the effort of not arching toward the friction against his tender nipples. Soon enough, though, Paulo had to pull back, not wanting to come too soon; he still had plans for Toby.

He bit down gently on the side of Toby's neck, his voice rumbling deep in his chest, not quite a growl, but definitely not words either. He reached up with his free hand and found the bottle of lube among all the other various toiletries there. He shifted enough to be able to hold it in the hand of the arm that was still holding Toby prisoner, and squeezed a decent amount onto the fingers of his free hand, enjoying the way Toby squirmed against him when he realised what Paulo was going to do.

He wasn't particularly gentle about getting Toby ready for him to fuck-- what would be the point, with a toy? Still, he hesitated briefly once he had withdrawn his fingers. "Colour, _concha?"_ he whispered.

"Green, sir," was the muffled response again.

Paulo gave a grunt of satisfaction, quickly washed his hand under the warm spray, then reached up again and groped blindly until he found the condom on the ledge. He ripped it open with his teeth, somehow managed to roll it down over his length with one hand, and then he nudged Toby's legs apart with one knee, careful not to unsteady him on the pebble floor.

"Mmm," he purred in Toby's ear. "Such a tight little ass. And it’s all mine, isn’t it?” 

He heard a tiny whimper muted into the gag, and Toby nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Paulo trailed his fingers softly over the reddened skin, then pinched him square in the middle of the left cheek, making him squirm. Toby barely had any freckles, as opposed to Jan; freckles dusted Jan’s skin the way that stars scattered across the night sky. Toby's were much lighter - handfuls of nearly imperceptible sun-kisses were sprinkled along his forehead near his hairline, with a few more barely visible alongside the bridge of his nose. He did have one distinct one above his left eyebrow, and there was another right there in the middle of his ass cheek, which Paulo loved to pinch and kiss and bite, finding (probably disproportionate) amusement at Toby not actually knowing that it was there, and thus why Paulo occasionally paid specific attention to that single spot. 

“There’s nothing you can do about what I choose to do with it, is there?” he asked.

“No, sir.” 

He slid one hand between Toby’s cheeks, spreading them with his fingers and stroking lightly across his entrance, feeling him shudder with anticipation. “Colour?” Paulo rumbled. 

"Still green. Sir," Toby mumbled around the gag, and unless Paulo was mistaken, there was a note of impatience in his voice, as if what he really wanted to say was _come on already._

He chose to ignore the impertinence for the moment, though, preferring instead to focus on using his free hand to guide his aching dick to Toby's slick little hole, thrusting forward eagerly as soon as he was lined up properly. He paused when he felt Toby stiffen at his roughness, but then Toby made an impatient noise and rocked his hips back against Paulo repeatedly, effectively fucking himself on Paulo’s dick. Paulo groaned and thrust back against him, giving in to the pleasure that swept over him as he buried himself again and again in Toby’s tight heat.

Paulo didn't bother talking to Toby much as he fucked him. He kept his face buried in Toby's neck, licking and sucking and biting his shoulders until his skin was a mess of bruises and bite marks and Toby had been reduced to writhing helplessly in his grip, trying to both rub his swollen, abused nipples against Paulo’s unyielding arm and to push back against him, but he was too far gone to be able to keep up any sort of rhythm.

Paulo caught Toby’s hair in his free hand and yanked hard, making Toby arch his back as Paulo pulled his head back against his shoulder. Paulo snapped his hips against Toby's perfect ass, slamming into him as hard as he dared. He growled against his neck as he crashed over the edge, holding Toby fiercely tight as he found release deep inside him. _Mine._

Paulo opened his eyes a moment later and relaxed his grip, letting the arm that had stayed tight as a vice around Toby's chest drop away as he reached down between them to take off the condom. He carelessly dropped it on the ledge, then took a step back, dropping his hands to Toby's hips and turning him around. He saw with a rush of satisfaction that Toby hadn't come yet, and he suddenly shoved Toby back against the wall. _"Tu eres mío,"_ he snarled, going to his knees and hungrily attacking Toby's cock with his mouth, sliding him down his throat with no preamble at all. He didn't care about anything just then except for making Toby come in his mouth, desperate to taste Toby's cum, swallow it all, claim every part of him he could. _Mine._

It didn't take long, considering how far Paulo had already pushed Toby. He swallowed him down deep, three times, four, until Toby let out a low whine through the gag and came, his hips jerking against Paulo's face, his legs already trembling. Paulo swallowed greedily, savouring the taste of him. _Mine._

Paulo reluctantly let Toby's dick slip from his mouth once he was sure that he had finished coming and stood up, cupping Toby's face and looking closely. His eyes were closed, his jaw slack around the gag, his chest heaving from the exertion and his breath a little shaky.

"Toby," he murmured tenderly, kissing his forehead softly as he fumbled to undo the knots in the black nylon lead and unclip the makeshift gag. He dropped the lead carelessly to the floor as soon as he worked it loose enough to slip off of Toby's reddened wrists, and coiled the silver chain on the ledge. Then he shut off the shower and stepped carefully out, leading Toby gently by the hand. Paulo positioned him standing in the middle of the bath rug and carefully dried him off with a soft, fluffy towel from a particular shelf in the linen cupboard. It was an ordinary white bath towel, with one exception: the elaborate "T" embroidered in deep blue thread in one corner. 

Once Toby was no longer dripping, Paulo bent and lifted him off his feet as easily as if he had been a child, carrying him back into the bedroom and laying him out on the bed, propped up against a small mountain of pillows.

He tenderly ran his fingers through Toby’s damp hair. He had dropped, there was no doubt about it. It had only happened a few times now, and it always felt like a surprise to Paulo, though not an unwelcome one in any sense. It rather seemed like something special, something rare and valuable, that this strong, beautiful, self-reliant man felt safe enough with Paulo, trusted him enough, to let himself be this vulnerable. He valued these moments, where he had the privilege of taking care of Toby, as much or more than the admittedly phenomenal sex.

He set to work, thankful that he had had the foresight to gather everything he needed. He covered Toby up with the weighted blanket first, tucking him in carefully, kissing his forehead, murmuring gently to him how proud he was and how much he adored him. For whatever reason, even after eight months, Paulo and Toby still had not crossed the barrier that Paulo had with Jan in their first week together, still hadn't had that confession of love, but Paulo didn't care. He treasured Toby all the same, and always would.

Toby was decidedly different from Jan when he dropped. Jan was usually at least somewhat responsive, even immediately afterwards, but with Toby, it was almost like he was asleep. He could nod or shake his head if Paulo was particularly insistent, but otherwise he was completely passive, unable to speak or even really open his eyes for some time. He wouldn't even accept being fed at first, not until he had started to come out of it at least a little. So for now Paulo had to content himself with simply holding him close, swaddled in his blanket, and whispering to him soothingly. 

Once Toby's breathing had evened out and Paulo could feel that his heart rate had come down, Paulo was able to quickly go reheat the tea that he’d made for him. When he came back, he gently coaxed him into eating a good portion of the fruit he’d prepared, and to drink his tea in small, careful sips.

"Toby," he whispered as Toby accepted another blueberry from Paulo's fingers. "My sweet boy. You did so well. I'm so proud of you, _liefje."_

Toby stirred faintly, his eyes moving behind their lids. He licked his lips and smiled, just the tiniest bit, but still didn't answer.

"That's okay, _mi cielito._ You don't have to say anything. You were perfect, and you can just relax now. I'm here. I am going to stay with you until you sleep, my sweet, wonderful Toby…"

Toby let out a soft sigh of contentment, and his face slowly relaxed again, his breathing becoming slower, more regular as Paulo ran gentle fingers through his hair and murmured praise into his ear. 

When he was sure that Toby was asleep and would stay that way, he dropped the softest possible kiss into his hair, then eased himself out of the cuddle and off of the bed. He took the chocolate bar from the dresser and placed it gingerly on the nightstand for Toby to find when he woke up, then slipped out of the room, smiling softly over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from [one of my favorite songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uURch7EEOgQ) by the same name: I Was Watching Your Eyes, by of Montreal. (Also, of Montreal is one of my fav bands of all time. 10/10 highly recommend XD)
> 
> Also, the song that Paulo and Toby are listening to in the car is [Dominique, by Anouk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCT7Rbaax48).
> 
> I tend to assume that people are as impatient as I am and are google translating along the way, which works for all of the Dutch and most of the Spanish, but two things that I know won't translate properly are a couple of the degrading names that Paulo uses in the shower: "culeado" and "concha", which are Argentina-specific (and courtesy of reddit, so, you know, grain of salt. Any corrections gladly welcome XD). The first is essentially 'slut/someone who got fucked', and the second does mean 'shell' elsewhere, but in Argentina is 'pussy' (in the anatomical sense). According To The Internet™
> 
> Always and forever, thank you to Amethyst for being the best kind of person to share a brain with. tvb x 5000 💜


	2. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In addition to lovers they were also friends and teammates, and that meant trusting each other, putting their heads together to fix things, or at least to be able to support each other instead of making it worse by keeping it inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh... boy howdy. When I first got the idea for this miniseries and made my outline, there was absolutely no angst in it whatsoever. I would say that I'm sorry... if I were sorry. :D  
> (Thank you to Amethyst for fixing my atrocious formatting. I swear I'll learn eventually! XD)

While Toby slept, Paulo padded quietly around the house for about an hour, tidying and sweeping and gathering various bits of detritus that he and Patricia had left lying around over the past few days, starting the washing and putting the clean load away. When there was nothing else particularly productive for him to do, he took a detour by the fridge and peered inside. He’d defrosted some pork chops and pre-chopped some vegetables to throw in when he roasted the potatoes to go with it, but after everything that Toby had been through today, Paulo suddenly wanted him to be able to pick whatever he wanted for dinner. 

He knew it would all keep easily in the fridge for another day, so he topped off his maté and grabbed two protein bars to keep him satisfied until Toby woke up. He went to peek into the bedroom again and smiled at the sight of Toby, face half buried in the pillow, his weighted blanket pulled up to his chin, lips parted and still too pink from how rough Paulo had been with them, looking beautifully peaceful. 

Paulo smiled tenderly, wishing that he could go in and kiss him, but Toby wasn’t a terribly heavy sleeper, and Paulo was positively loath to disturb this deep rest that he so desperately needed. 

He pulled the door closed and returned to the living room, where he filled the better part of the next two hours partied up with Ryan Sessegnon over Playstation, both alternating kicking each other’s asses in FIFA as the afternoon light began to fade. They’d discovered after shooting their No Rules video late last year that they worked very well as a team - and as rivals - in this game, and despite Ryan being a literal teenager, Paulo didn’t actually find it hard at all to get along with him, and have a blast whenever they could get together. 

When Paulo won their fifth game - and his third in a row - by a single point during the last ten seconds of extra time, he heard Ryan sigh explosively over his headset, grinning smugly at the despair in his groan. 

_ “I’m going to have to go soon," _ Ryan said.  _ "For my dignity, if nothing else." _

Paulo laughed, finally relaxing back into the cushions instead of leaning forward, perched on the edge of his seat in concentration. “You win the first two!” he protested.

_ "I almost won the third one." _

“Almost.”

_ "And I almost won the last one." _

Paulo hummed dubiously. “Don’t know about  _ that." _ They both laughed, then Paulo shifted in place, rubbing a hand over his hair. He was kind of itching to get the tight headset off of his ears and move around, so he was glad that Ryan was ready to call it quits, too. “I do know all this made me hungry.”

Ryan chuckled.  _ "Yeah, same. I’m almost looking forward to this stupid family dinner. What are you doing for the rest of the night?" _

Paulo tried not to snicker.  _ Probably Toby, at least one more time. _ “Ah, nothing much,” he said, hoping it came out as casually as he intended. “I’ll call Patricia, walk Teo, make some dinner.” He shrugged even though Ryan couldn’t see him, gesturing vaguely just for something to do. “Normal stuff.” 

_"Oh, nice. Our dinner won’t take all night - hopefully - so maybe a few more games later?”_

Paulo made a frustrated face toward the ceiling, screwing up his mouth and squeezing his eyes closed. He liked Ryan a lot and really did want to spend more time gaming with him, but tonight was not the night. “I actually do have some things I want to do,” he said, glancing around for ideas. “Mostly clean around the house, I think. I think it would be nice for Patricia to come home to.”

Ryan hummed in dry acknowledgement.  _ "Aw, that’s sweet... I guess. Maybe I can pin down Alfie - he’s due a thrashing from me anyway." _

Paulo had to laugh at that. Poor Alfie. He was infamously the worst at FIFA - at least out of the goalkeepers - so mostly all he ever got  _ were _ thrashings. “Try not to hurt his feelings too much, eh? The keepers are the ones who have to hear about it all day if you do.”

Ryan laughed too.  _ "I can’t promise anything," _ he said solemnly.  _ "I’ll see you, mate." _

Paulo turned off the console from the controller, then dropped it beside him with a sigh and a stretch before he made his way to the bedroom. He peeked in, smiling when he found Toby awake, if just barely, not even really having moved from the position he fell asleep in other than that now he was looking at his phone and just finishing off his chocolate bar. Paulo loved how he looked when he was just waking up - soft and sleep rumpled, his hair a mess, his eyes still heavy, still cuddled into the warm blankets. 

Paulo knocked softly on the doorframe so that he wouldn’t startle Toby, but Toby jumped anyway, and Paulo smiled in soft amusement. “Sorry. I just wanted to check on you.”

Toby hummed contentedly and stretched, rolling onto his back with a wince, but then turning his soft little smile onto Paulo. “I’m great,” he murmured in a voice still a little hoarse from his nap. “Thanks to you.”

Paulo let out a dismissive little grunt and came all the way in, crawling up from the bottom of the bed to stretch out alongside Toby on top of the covers. Toby turned his happy little smile onto Paulo, looking up at him with those lovely eyes, and Paulo couldn’t resist putting two light fingers under his chin and shifting over so that he could kiss him, and then kiss him again, and again. They were gentle, lingering, lazy kisses, full of sweet nuzzles and little chuckles and soft fingers running through each other's hair.

Then they both heard Toby’s stomach growl, and the kiss broke into giggles. 

“I thought about making dinner,” Paulo said, “but I want you to choose whatever you want. You were so, so good for me today,  _ liefje.”  _

He turned his head to press a kiss to Toby’s palm, resting lovingly against Paulo’s cheek, and he reached down to stroke Toby’s cheek in turn. Toby looked up into his eyes and, hell, it really was no wonder that he had so much trouble punishing Toby for looking at him during a scene, damn him. Paulo was pretty sure that in that moment,  _ both _ of them blushed a little.

“You say ‘thanks to you’,” he went on softly, “but so much of your healing is your own doing. Your choice to surrender, your guidance. Your bravery.” He thought of the way that Toby had stopped him, the way he had still begged for them to keep going, just in a different direction. “You knew what you needed and asked for it, and I’m so proud of you for that.”

Toby was only getting pinker, flushed all the way up his forehead and to his ears, and Paulo couldn't help kissing the shell of the left one, since it was so near his lips already. It was so warm that it made Paulo laugh softly.

“So, food?”

Toby chuckled, though it was interrupted by a yawn.  _ “Ja,” _ he murmured. He rested his head against Paulo’s shoulder and his phone on his chest, switching from Instagram over to one of several delivery apps, scrolling and making little considering noises until one of them was more of an ‘ooh’ than a ‘hmm’. “Sushi?” he asked hopefully. 

Paulo grinned, having had a pretty good inkling that he was going to choose that. “Perfect. You already know what I want - I’m getting you something to...” He furrowed his brow. “Tide you over?” It wasn’t a phrase he used very often, nor was it one that he thought made a ton of sense - but that’s English all over, isn’t it?

“Mhm.” Toby smiled at him, still looking rather like he could fall back asleep if he only closed his eyes. “Thanks.”

Paulo went to the kitchen and retrieved the rest of Toby’s fruit for him, pausing to refill Teo’s water bowl. By the time he came back, Toby had finished ordering and was getting dressed. He groaned and stretched once his joggers were on, and made Paulo bite his lip when a wide sliver of smooth skin peeked out from under his t-shirt.

“Toby.”

Toby’s response was more of a questioning grunt than anything, still mid-stretch. Paulo raised an eyebrow at him, finding it just a bit too dismissive for the tone that he had used. 

When Toby relaxed, Paulo cleared his throat. “Toby, come here.”

He was pleased by the way Toby’s eyes widened a little. When he walked over - a bit stiffly, Paulo noticed with a little smirk - Paulo reached out for the hem of the shirt, pulling him in the rest of the way. Toby made a faint little noise as Paulo kissed him - he didn't seem to be able to resist that this evening, with as soft and kissable as Toby looked. His eyes flickered up, searching between Paulo’s, and his cheeks flushed a little when Paulo raised both eyebrows. 

Paulo lifted Toby’s shirt just enough to see that sliver of stomach again, made an appreciative noise, then pulled it the rest of the way up to his armpits. Toby obediently raised his arms, and Paulo tossed the shirt back over onto the bed once it was off. 

“I don't think you need that right now.” Paulo grinned and handed him his snack as Toby laughed, and they went back into the living room. Toby set his fruit bowl on the coffee table, then landed heavily on the couch, startling Teo, who blinked at him, rearranged himself so that he was snuggled up to Toby’s thigh, and fell right back asleep. 

“I love this dog,” Toby announced, tipping his head back to grin as Paulo passed behind him to get his tea from the kitchen. 

Paulo laughed. “He makes it easy.” 

When he returned and sat, setting his gourd and thermos flask on the coffee table, Paulo noticed Toby look over at him, and he turned to smile. Toby’s expressive eyes tried to shutter, however - but there was no use trying to pretend that his soul wasn’t perfectly visible through them. 

Paulo furrowed his brow. “Hey. What’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing,” Toby began, but he flapped a hand and kept going before Paulo could reprimand him for it. Paulo had forbidden both Jan and Toby from ever saying those words under his roof anymore when they weren’t true. In addition to lovers they were also friends and teammates, and that meant trusting each other, putting their heads together to fix things, or at least to be able to support each other instead of making it worse by keeping it inside. “I mean, nothing bad. I was just thinking about today. Thinking about you.” Now Toby smiled, and Paulo reflexively smiled back, though he knew it wouldn't reach his worried eyes. “I just remember I watched you during training. I think I don’t notice often enough - they always put the keepers so far away.” His face fell for just a moment in a pantomime of a pout before his soft smile came back. “But today I noticed, and you were unbelievable.” 

Paulo felt significantly warmer, and he quite possibly also puffed up a little. He  _ had _ been on top form today, and he’d walked off the training pitch feeling particularly proud of himself. Nuno and even Jose had both commented on it, and Hugo had been full of praise all the way from the doors to the showers. Before he could preen, though, he had to angle himself more toward Toby, pulling one leg up onto the couch. “Thank you,  _ liefje," _ he said sincerely. “But this makes you upset why?” 

“No, not that.” Toby was smiling bashfully now, and he occupied himself by petting Teo. “Just... you worked hard all morning, and then took such good care of me all afternoon. I almost wish I hadn't ordered dinner so that I could cook for you or something.”

“Toby,” Paulo said fondly. He smiled, touched that Toby had noticed his form that day and that he was so appreciative of him. He held up his arm and Toby eagerly tucked under it, and Paulo nuzzled the top of his head. He adored Toby pretty much any way he could get him, but when he was like this, so affectionate and relaxed and tactile, still essentially high from subspace, Paulo just wanted to bottle him up as a remedy for bad days. 

He ran his fingers softly through Toby’s hair, loving the way it fell across his forehead when it wasn’t practically glued down. It would just look goofy and floppy on many people, which was exactly the insecurity that kept Toby’s favourite product lines in the black, but with Toby, it was just cute, and it reminded Paulo how lucky he was that he had this, that he was special enough to Toby to get to see him like this.

He kissed Toby’s temple. “Of course you have my permission to cook if you want to, but what makes you think that getting to spend this time with you isn’t reward enough for me?”

He dipped his head to peek at Toby, knowing he would get adorable over that, and sure enough, Toby glowed again, looking down self-consciously but still brightening the whole room with another little delighted smile. 

“Plus,” Paulo said, shifting their cuddle a little so that he had the clearance to lift Toby’s head with a soft touch, winking when Toby’s sweet blue eyes met his. “There are many ways to show appreciation, yes?”

Those same eyes widened a little. When Paulo smirked, Toby did too. “Well, true,” he murmured. 

With the arm resting snugly around Toby’s shoulders, Paulo swept his hand down over Toby’s chest, fingertips lightly gliding over his bare skin, brushing through the wiry blond hair. He tipped his head so that he was resting against Toby’s, and he put his lips by Toby’s ear. “After dinner, maybe I find something for you to do.” 

Until the doorbell rang, they stayed just like that, watching TV with Toby warm and heavy against his side, Paulo petting him and dropping kisses on his hair at random, keeping his fingers running steadily through the soft, fine strands otherwise. He was so content by the time that the doorbell rang that he actually grumbled about it despite being absolutely desperate for the food. 

Toby laughed at his soft groan. “Nah, I’ll go,” he said, kissing Paulo’s shoulder. “I ordered from my phone. The way our luck has been going this season, they’ll be a fan and start wondering all over Twitter why Paulo Gazzaniga is answering the door for Toby Alderweireld’s order.” 

Paulo squinted at Toby. He was right, but he was also shirtless. 

He pulled his own t-shirt off and held it out to Toby, his eyebrows up. “Then you don’t need to give someone a heart attack on my stoop, either,” he said, and he grinned when Toby laughed. He watched Toby disappear into the entryway, then narrowed his eyes. “Hey, but then you give it back, eh? Because I’m not done looking!” 

They ate in comfortable silence, half watching the documentary that Paulo had put on, half preoccupied with randomly poking each other and sticking their tongues out and stealing each other’s food.

Well, Paulo stealing Toby’s, at least. Toby had learned the hard way that Paulo’s usual roll from this place included jalapeños, spicy salmon, spicy krab, and spicy mayo,  _ and _ that he wasn’t afraid of wasabi. That didn’t stop him from stealing prawns from Paulo’s appetizer, however, which were less spicy - although honestly not by much - and giving him unfairly big, sad eyes whenever Paulo rapped him on the knuckles with his chopsticks. 

Once he was done eating, Paulo put his takeaway container on the coffee table and leaned back into the cushions, trying to watch the documentary, but his thoughts kept floating back to Jan - wondering what he was doing, how long until he was free, whether he was as distracted by thoughts of Paulo as Paulo was by thoughts of him. 

When he realised that he was literally sitting there like a teenager wondering whether Jan was thinking about him, he almost rolled his eyes. He pulled out his phone and just checked, hoping that maybe Jan had texted to say that the extended family had left and that he was free for a video chat. He had a handful of notifications from a couple of his group chats, two texts from Hugo asking about the upcoming  _ asado _ night at Gio’s, and a request from Patricia in a game they both played, but no Jan. 

He sighed and locked his phone again, turning it idly over in his hand as he looked back at the television.

“You’re pouting,” Toby said through a mouthful. When Paulo glared at him, he swallowed and shrugged innocently. “It’s cute. I notice when you’re cute. Is it a Jan pout? Or I should say, a lack-of-Jan pout? I’m sure it won’t be too much longer before he can text again.”

Paulo blinked, his glare giving way as he furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn’t said anything to Toby about commanding Jan to put his phone away for the time being, which could really only mean that Toby had texted him - and he’d answered. 

Toby appeared to follow that train of thought, because he shook his head to forestall it, dropping his chopsticks in order to hold up a hand. “No, no. Bathroom,” he hurried to say. “I mean, he only checked his phone because he was in the bathroom.” 

Paulo gave Toby a hard look, then glanced away, sitting with that for a moment. He’d told Jan to put his phone away pretty clearly, but at the same time, he’d connected it to disrespecting his family; if he was away from anyone to disrespect, he may not have felt that he was technically breaking Paulo’s rule. 

Grey areas really weren’t Paulo’s favourite, though. Plus, underneath his feelings as a Dom, he couldn't help feeling, as a boyfriend, a little hurt that Jan had only texted Toby and not him during this quick escape. 

Before he could even decide whether to try to voice any of those thoughts or not, Toby reached out and caught Paulo’s sleeve between two fingers, tugging on it. “If it makes a difference, he only texted me back to tell me that you said he couldn’t. I  _ was _ kind of bombarding him.” Unprompted, Toby picked up his phone, unlocked it, and held it out to Paulo. 

Paulo raised his eyebrows - access to their phones had always seemed like a breach of privacy that went one step too far. He knew that there were Doms who operated that way, and subs that craved that level of control, but beyond someone explicitly wanting to give themselves over that completely, it had always struck Paulo as a rather insecure move. Unless it was something that directly and significantly affected him - the first time that Jan, without consulting him, told Dries about their relationship came to mind - he felt no need nor desire to pry that far into their privacy. 

On the other hand, he had given Jan an order, in deference to Sophie and her extended family. By his own admission, Jan had already been inattentive to them before the first time Paulo texted him, and if Paulo had commanded him to stop it, but he hadn’t, maybe Paulo  _ was _ entitled to that information. 

He took the proffered phone, went to Toby’s messages, and brought up Jan. Toby shifted a little closer to him, pulling his legs up to cross and turning toward Paulo. 

_ <<To: Jan V [17:43]: Jantje _  
_ <<To: Jan V [17:43]: advies nodig?  _  
_ <<To: Jan V [17:44]: als je ooit wilt dat Paulo je zo hard neukt dat je flauwvalt, kom dan gewoon naar zijn huis nadat je de zeep van iemand anders hebt gebruikt.  _  
_ <<To: Jan V [17:44]: ik wil bijna Mich bedanken...  _  
_ <<To: Jan V [17:45]: Jan _  
_ <<To: Jan V [17:47]: dit is belangrijk, damnit _

_ >>From: Jan V [18:01]: ......ok seriously daar moet je me later over vertellen _  
_ >>From: Jan V [18:01]: Maar nu niet. Paulo wil niet dat ik smsje doe terwijl iedereen op bezoek is _  
_ >>From: Jan V [18:02]: Ik controleer het nu pas omdat ik in de badkamer ben lol _  
_ >>From: Jan V [18:02]: Ik hou van je  _ 💙

_ <<To: Jan V [18:03]: Ohh ok, je zou Paulo moeten gehoorzamen, text us later _  
_ <<To: Jan V [18:03]: Jij ook  _ 💙

“Helpful,” Paulo said dryly, and he rolled his eyes when he looked back up to find a cheeky grin on Toby’s handsome face. As cute as it was, Paulo arched an eyebrow, giving Toby a more firm look.

Toby blushed a little. “Sorry. Erm.” He hesitated, then, and Paulo’s other eyebrow joined the first. If he looked at it longer, with the amount of Dutch that he’d picked up between these two and Dries, he probably could have puzzled out whatever Jan had said, but Toby surely knew better than to try to make him do that in this case, and his shiftiness was a little frustrating.

“Do you want me to know or not? I didn’t ask for this,” he said, locking the phone and handing it back to Toby, not bothering to mask his slight irritation, “but if you want me to see it, knock this off.”

Toby’s nerves didn’t seem to be genuine worry; he was actually fighting against a guilty grin, cheeks rosy like a kid caught in a fib. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s nothing bad - it started with me telling him that if he ever wants you to fuck him so hard that he passes out, he only needs to come over smelling like someone else, and that I almost want to thank Mich.”

His grin faltered quickly when Paulo didn’t return it. Was Paulo supposed to think that was funny? Because it sounded to Paulo like Toby had essentially played him. He and Jan both liked to be bratty occasionally, bait Paulo for reactions, and there were plenty of times that he enjoyed it - not in the least because he loved coming up with creative new punishments, depending on the transgression. If they were obedient  _ all _ the time, this part of their relationship would get very stale very quickly. But it never felt like this. Toby had seemed so genuinely anxious, so worried, so in need of care; Paulo had been so concerned for him, and truly angry at himself for not realising that Toby was dealing with his anxiety by himself all morning. 

Paulo was starting to feel like he’d simply been lied to, and it was a singularly unpleasant feeling. 

Toby’s eyes widened as he seemed to realise what Paulo was thinking, and Paulo looked away, his jaw clenched. “I didn’t-- I wasn’t thinking about that when I borrowed Mich’s soap,” Toby said quickly, a tiny note of desperation in his voice. “I know that sounded-- I just realised how that sounded. Fuck.”

Paulo didn’t respond, staring stonily ahead still, although the more he let the hurt sink in, the less anger he could really put into it. His gaze dropped down to hover somewhere around his knees and he raised his eyebrows, barely and only briefly. A wordless  _ yeah, that’s exactly how it sounded. _

Unable to stop them, Paulo’s thoughts kept spiraling. He just didn’t understand. He thought that the concept of ownership, of belonging to Paulo, was something that Jan and Toby both loved. It was about the way he wanted to protect them, the way he wanted to take care of them, the way it felt when they came to him with their problems and looked up at him like he was the answer to all of them. It had been that way for the better part of eight months; he couldn’t fathom what had changed.

What had he done to make Toby feel like he couldn’t just ask for a rough scene? He wasn’t sure, but he had very clearly failed Toby at some point, pushed him away without meaning to - and he couldn’t bear the thought of that distance. It hadn’t even been a year, but the thought of a world where he couldn’t wrap his arms around Toby’s warm, solid body, run his fingers through Toby’s hair... 

Toby started to move his hand toward Paulo, and then pulled it back, wrapping his other hand around it and fidgeting anxiously with both of them. “Sir,” Toby said softly. “Paulo, please. It isn’t what you’re thinking it is. Please, at least look at me.”

Paulo didn’t. He wasn’t sure that he  _ could _ without his emotions spilling over.

Beside him, Toby slid off the couch and onto his knees, manoeuvering himself to be as in front of Paulo as he could without moving the whole coffee table. He sat back on his heels, hands behind his back, his head bowed.  _ "Please," _ he all but whispered. “I’m begging you to trust me.” 

The roaring in Paulo’s head was too much; seeing Toby on his knees like that was too much, especially when he wasn’t even sure that Toby wanted to be there. He hauled himself roughly off of the couch and stepped around Toby, striding down the hallway, just... needing to be alone to process this. 

He went into Patricia’s extra room, which was closest, and closed the door hard behind him. He stood just inside the doorway with his face in his hands for a few seconds, taking shaky breaths to try to hold the threat of tears at bay, then sank down onto the edge of the bed. 

It couldn’t have been very long at all, but it felt like ages that he sat there, his eyes squeezed shut, his head hanging down, both hands running endlessly over his hair just for something to do other than clenching them so hard that he left little red crescent-shaped indentations in his palms. He was clenching his jaw against the tears to the point that his teeth hurt and his whole  _ face _ hurt from the effort it was taking not to cry.

It felt like he was losing Toby, and that felt like losing a piece of his heart.

With that thought playing over and over in his mind, he finally lost the battle, twisting and slumping over to press his face into the pillow to let it out. It was a brief, sharp sob, something that felt like it was being torn out of him. Not many tears followed, surprisingly; it was mostly just cold, silent anguish.

He had just gotten his breathing under control when his phone buzzed from his pocket. He nearly jumped out of his skin, but he reached in and fished it out, groaning when he saw that it was Jan. For all that Paulo had been desperately looking forward to his call all afternoon and evening, this was a horrible time for it. 

He seriously considered not answering it, but there was only one thing that could override the chaos right now, and that was even the slightest possibility that Jan needed him.

“Hello?”

_ “What the fuck is going on over there?” _

Paulo’s jaw dropped and he nearly fumbled the phone as well, sitting up in surprise. If he’d begun to think that something cold and unpleasant was writhing in his stomach before, it was nothing to the pit that it had just become. “Excuse me?” he asked, trying to put as much of an edge on his voice as possible. He wasn’t even sure it sounded real; it was so much effort right now. 

_ “You heard me. Toby’s falling apart right now. What happened? Is he hurt? What did you say to him?” _

Maybe finding the edge wasn’t so hard after all. Defensiveness crept in at the accusations, chasing out the dread for a moment. “You already know what happen,” Paulo said sharply. “You’re the one he texted about it.”

There was a brief beat of silence, and then a frustrated,  _ "About what?" _

“About today! This afternoon. Mich. The whole... he made me worry and then act like it was a joke. It just feel... after all this time, I just never thought... for him to lie to me and-- and--” Somewhere in the middle of those disjointed thoughts, he had switched to Spanish without meaning to, and he despaired because he knew Jan couldn’t completely understand him, but it was hard enough to think normally right now, much less in English. 

_ “Stop,” _ Jan snapped. That tone of voice from him felt like a slap in the face, and Paulo was suddenly absolutely terrified that he was going to lose them both in one evening. Tears started to flow again, silently sliding down his cheeks.  _ “If you’re saying that he did this to deliberately hurt you or that he’s lying to you, you need to pull your head out of your ass right now.” _

Paulo pressed his lips together, pulling his knees up to his chest. He couldn’t even bring himself to get angry, or to argue, or to say anything at all; even in Spanish, the words just couldn’t quite untangle from the emotions. He just nodded silently, knowing that Jan couldn’t see him. 

_ “Toby just called me four times, texted me that he ruined everything, and he was desperate enough that he called Sophie when I didn’t answer.” _

Paulo wanted to say something. He honestly did. He wanted to say that he didn’t know how it had spiraled out of control like this, that he wasn’t sure how to talk to Toby about it without breaking down, that he was terrified to leave the bedroom because he might have to face the end of something wonderful. But when he opened his mouth, none of it would come out.

_ “Godverdomme, Paulo, when I called him back he was crying too hard to even talk to me!” _ Jan sighed harshly.  _ “Do you think he would react like that if he meant to hurt you? If he didn’t adore you just as much as I do? You’re being an idiot.”  _

Paulo nodded again, wishing that he could say  _ I know, _ because he did. 

_ “Fuck it. I’m coming over.” _

Finally, at the idea of Jan disrupting his night, the words that had been bashing up against the wall in his brain began to make their way through the cracks. “Jan, no,” he choked out. Once he got that out, and took a deep, shuddering breath, the words seemed to come more easily. He wiped his face with the duvet cover. “You stay. Your family--”

_"You_ are  _ my family," _ Jan said firmly.  _ “Now, if you won’t talk, and you won’t let me come see you, you’re going to listen.” _ Jan paused, but Paulo couldn’t even bring himself to argue.  _ “Right. What, in all of our time together, makes you think that he would do that to you?” _

“Well, he did, no?” Paulo asked quietly. 

_ “Did you  _ ask _ him if he did? What did he say?” _

Paulo frowned, thinking back.  _ Had _ he even asked Toby? He wanted to say that he had, but he honestly couldn’t remember now. The small ball of guilt that settled into his belly, however, was pretty sure that it knew the answer. “That he didn’t, obviously,” he answered regardless. 

_ “And you think he would lie to you? Why?” _ Jan waited a moment for an answer, but didn’t seem to be able to stop himself for longer.  _ “Has he ever? When was the last time he lied to you, Paulo?” _ Jan’s words were angry, but his voice was getting gentler as he vented his anger and fear.  _ “When did you stop trusting him?” _

More tears welled up in Paulo’s eyes with every question. Even if Paulo had done something to deserve Toby trying to put distance between them, he knew that it wasn’t fair to Toby for him to assume anything until they talked about it. And if Jan was right, maybe Paulo had misinterpreted the situation entirely - a thought that made his stomach clench. 

_ “Mierda,” _ he whispered, wiping his eyes with the heel of his free hand. “I need to go find him. I’m so sorry,  _ schatje. _ I’m sorry that we worried you. That I was...” He blew out a long, steady breath, closing his eyes. “Thank you, my love. Thank you for this. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He heard Jan sigh through the phone, relief obvious in his voice.  _ “Wither up and die, probably," _ he teased gently, and it made Paulo laugh, at least a little bit.  _ “Now go, please. That’s my best friend you upset, and I’m not above swearing revenge, even against you.” _

Paulo smiled, his eyes still closed.  _ "Mocoso," _ he murmured. 

_ “Go,” _ Jan repeated softly. Paulo could hear his smile.  _ “You remember a couple of weekends ago, yeah? Everything will be okay, but only if you talk to him. Time to be brave.” _

Paulo took a deep breath and hauled himself off of the bed. “You’re right. Of course you’re right.” He smiled, even as he made a face at his disheveled image in the mirror. “You are annoyingly wise, my Jan,” he said sincerely. “Thank you. You were right to yell at me.”

_ "I know," _ Jan said. Paulo could hear that he was grinning, and he managed a grin back.  _ "Go find Toby. He needs you. I’m hanging up. Te amo." _

He did indeed hang up, not even waiting for Paulo to return his love. Warmth coursed through Paulo nonetheless, giving him confidence that he didn't realise he needed - even after this, Jan still loved him, and if Jan still loved him, it was because he knew that he hadn’t irreparably broken Toby’s heart. It was still something that could be fixed, as long as he could set his ego aside and be there for Toby. 

Paulo put his phone in his pocket and opened the door, pausing in front of the mirror, but in the end, decided he didn’t need to do anything about his unruly hair and puffy eyes. It was okay for Toby to see that he hadn’t been okay. 

The first thing that he heard when he stepped into the hallway was the sound of Toby in tears. It was something that he heard so rarely that his brain almost needed a second to recognise it, but his heart knew, and it ached immediately. He turned purposefully toward the living room, but realised that wasn’t where it was coming from at all. He turned around and followed the sound deeper down the hallway instead, to his own bedroom, and paused for a second, gathering up the courage that Jan had given him. 

The door was cracked; he pushed it open the rest of the way, and his heart broke all over again. 

Toby wasn’t in the bed, nor was he curled up in Paulo’s chair. He was knelt in front of it, just the way that he and Jan did before many scenes, except instead of his usual submissive pose, he was just slumped over the seat of it, his face buried in his arms and muffled sobs shaking his whole body. 

“Toby,” whispered Paulo - not even loud enough for Toby to hear. It was just a broken utterance as he took a step in, feeling too much pain to keep inside. “Toby?” he repeated, this time a little louder. 

If Toby heard him, though, he ignored it completely. 

Trying to stem the tingle of tears threatening to well up again, Paulo knocked on the doorframe like he’d done just a few hours ago, coming to check on Toby after their incredible time together. It seemed like such a faraway memory now. 

He bit his lip and anxiously rubbed a hand across the back of his head. “Toby, please?”

Toby stiffened, then curled up even further, going so far as to cover his head with his arms as best as possible. He wasn’t sat on his heels, but up on his knees to slump over the chair, his whole torso draped across the cushion, looking for all the world like, in any other circumstance, he was waiting for-- 

Oh. 

“I’m coming in,” Paulo said. Maybe he should have been gentle, asked whether Toby even wanted him there, but he couldn’t give Toby a chance to shut him out right now. Jan had been right - they could only get through this if they had this conversation. 

From there he hesitated, though - the chair was occupied and the bed was so far away from it. He wanted so desperately to be close to Toby right now, but after some consideration, he chose the bed anyway. For all that he wanted to comfort him, he didn’t want to crowd Toby either, not until he knew whether or not Toby actually  _ did _ want him there. 

Paulo took a breath, opened his mouth, then closed it and sighed through his nose, trying to figure out where to start. “You don’t have to say anything,” he began, “but I want you to listen to me,  _ liefje." _ Paulo perched on the short footboard, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “Please.”

Toby’s tears had subsided - if barely - since Paulo had arrived. Paulo hoped desperately that it was because Toby had recognised that Paulo wasn’t going to just disappear on him, but he didn’t know, and that uncertainty was keeping his insides twisted sickeningly. 

He was just about to start off when - to his surprise, honestly - Toby uncovered his head and crossed his arms instead, pillowing his head on them in order to mostly look at Paulo. His arm was still blocking about half of his face, but there was no hiding that amount of pain. 

_ “Ay, mi cielito,” _ he murmured. Toby’s beautiful face was bright red, his summer blue eyes puffy and distressed, his hair a mess. He looked as miserable as Paulo felt, and Paulo had to actively stop himself from falling into a spiral of fucking  _ hating _ himself in that moment for putting Toby through this pain for no reason at all other than his own insecurity. 

This was, as he was learning the hard way, not about him. 

Paulo couldn’t have stopped himself if he wanted to - he slid off of the bed and sat down hard on the floor, still wanting to give Toby space but desperately wanting to be closer, close enough to comfort him. Toby watched him, his eyes red and tired and a little suspicious, still shining with tears that slid across the bridge of his nose since his head was still down, pillowed on the cushion of Paulo’s chair. 

That was the first order of business. 

“Toby, I will absolutely not punish you for this. You did nothing wrong and I shouldn’t make you feel like you did. Get off of there. Please.”

Toby hesitated. There was something in his eyes, in his posture, and Paulo sighed softly. 

“We will talk. After, if you want this... any of this--” He swallowed, terrified to put that out there, terrified that Toby would take the out, that he  _ didn’t _ want any of this anymore after all. “--Then I will give it to you. Whatever you need to be at peace. Yes?”

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Toby slid back until he was sitting on his heels, his shoulders hunched and his head hanging down. He didn’t put his hands behind his back - his arms just rested heavily at his sides, like he was too exhausted to even use them anymore.

_ “Lo siento,” _ Paulo said without any preamble whatsoever.  _ "Lo siento.” _ That was the most important part, and he had to make sure Toby knew it. It felt more sincere in Spanish; there’s a difference between knowing a phrase in another language, and spending your life associating a certain feeling with that phrase.  _ “Lo siento mucho, _ Toby, I’m so sorry for making you feel like this. I handle that  _ so _ badly. I should have trusted you. You never give me any reason not to.”

Toby picked his head up, just enough to glance at Paulo, his beautiful eyes shuttered and distraught, then he dropped it again with a pained sigh.

Paulo would have given anything in that moment to reach out and touch his hair, his shoulder, his hand,  _ anything. _ He shifted and literally sat on his own hands, unable to trust himself not to. 

“You have never done anything to deserve my doubt like this,  _ liefje _ \- never. I know this, and I should not have forgotten it.” Paulo nearly felt nauseated with how thoroughly ashamed of himself he felt. The more he talked, the more he realised that there was nothing even close to justifiable about his reaction. “It wasn’t fair to you. I didn’t listen, I didn’t think. I didn’t--” He was trying to get them out so quickly that he tripped over his words, his throat dry and rough with emotion. “I’m sorry for being so angry when I don’t know the whole story. I’m sorry for if I scared you. I’m sorry for walking away. I trust you, Toby. I have always trusted you, and I always will.  _ Lo prometo." _

By the time he had gotten it all out, he was crying again. He tried not to make a sound or a face to reflect it, looking down at his lap and wanting to let the tears just silently fall, to stay strong for Toby and comfort him. He had no choice but to sniffle eventually, though, and the next thing he knew, strong, gorgeously inked arms were wrapping around him, holding him tightly, pulling him against a broad, warm chest. 

Paulo could only cry. He didn't know how long he had been holding in so much stress or even  _ why, _ but it all came out at once, ugly and raw, hiccoughing and whimpering, tears and snot in his beard, his whole face hurting from the pressure behind it.

He clung to Toby and tried not to listen to the little voice inside him, the one that whispered that Paulo didn’t deserve him.

He wished that Jan was here to tell him that he was being an idiot. Again. 

He missed Patricia’s arms around him and hated her friends for luring her away.

He wanted Dries to ring them up and tease him until he had no choice but to laugh. 

He wanted everything to stay the same, to be okay, and apparently he said it out loud, because suddenly Toby’s voice was in his ear, his lips repeatedly pressing into Paulo’s hair, his forehead, his temple.  _ “Alles is oké,” _ Toby said, his deep voice just as broken as Paulo’s, his face just as wet. “It is. It will be.  _ Esta bien, señor.” _

Barely daring to hope, Paulo opened his eyes. 

“I’m not going anywhere, sir,” Toby whispered against his temple. Paulo hadn’t realised how badly he needed to hear Toby call him that right now, and he almost started crying all over again out of sheer relief. “Nobody is going anywhere.”

“You’re about to have a baby,” Paulo said softly, dragging his sleeve across his face. “Of course you’re going-- you’ll have no more time, things are going to change.” Until he said it, he hadn’t even put words to it, but there it was - a deeper insecurity that was nestled into that distance between them, the distance that Paulo had suddenly become so afraid of. It sounded so absurdly juvenile - and it probably was, but Toby’s arms stayed tight around him, cheek resting against Paulo’s hair nonetheless. 

“Is that what this is? How could that ever change the way I feel about you?”

“Coco just disappeared after Tobi was born.” Paulo shook his head stubbornly and vaguely gestured with the hand that wasn’t wrapped bruisingly tight around Toby’s arm where it hung across his chest. “There was no time for us, everything suddenly become ‘I can’t’ - ‘I can’t come for  _ asado _ , I have a baby. I can’t have a drink, I have a baby. I can’t stay late, I have a baby.’ We used to be enough for him, but then-- and it’s not so bad now, but for two years, it--” Paulo dropped his head down, looking at his lap, which went blurry. “I see you less already, and I just... I don’t want for you to disappear, too,” he whispered.

“Paulo,” said Toby, so fondly that Paulo was threatened by a fresh wave of emotion. He just rested his head against Toby’s arm and found a clean place on his sleeve to wipe his face again. “Of course things get more chaotic, a little rearranged - especially with your first, like Coco. You don’t want to be away because you love them so much, and sometimes you  _ can’t _ be away because they need you. But I will  _ always _ make time for you and Jan. It doesn’t matter what’s going on. Jan and I both have kids already, and we have always made time, even before we were boyfriends. Yes?”

Paulo dug the heels of his hands into his eyes before he wrapped them around Toby’s arm again. At least the flow of tears had mostly stopped, and he felt, if not necessarily  _ better, _ at least much lighter and a little more clear-headed - although with that clarity came a rush of embarrassment.

“I know,” he mumbled. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Toby kissed the top of his head again, then dropped his head down, pressing his forehead against Paulo’s temple. “Don’t you dare be. How many times do you have to tell us that you can’t fix what you don't know is bothering us before you realise that it applies to you, too?”

“I know,” Paulo repeated. He barely recognised his own voice, small and scared as it was. “But what can you fix about this? I never want you to to have to choose between this and your family--”

“And you’re not part of my family?” asked Toby sternly, echoing what Jan had said not thirty minutes earlier. “Do you think that in order to have room in my heart for my son, I have to kick you out? That’s not how family works. You know better than this.”

If he hadn’t run out of tears, Paulo was pretty sure they would have started flowing again. Sometimes he felt like such an idiot that he didn’t know how Toby and Jan put up with it. 

“I know I’m not around here as much right now, and yes, I’ll spend more time home, but not  _ all _ of the time. And not forever. I’m going to need an escape, you know? I already get sick of the crying and chasing and cartoons sometimes - all parents do.”

Paulo laughed softly despite himself. “True,” he murmured. “I know.”

“Shani will have her time away, and so will I. Just like now.” He put a gentle hand under Paulo’s chin and tilted his head up so that he could look at him. “And I’m going to want to spend very much of that time with you and Jan.  _ ¿Entiende usted?" _

Paulo looked up into his eyes and his heart hurt for an entirely different reason. There was a pressure inside of it, something trying to radiate outwards that had pulsed under the surface for weeks, maybe months. And when Toby gently pressed his lips against Paulo’s - not caring what a mess he was, not caring that his Dom was wrapped up in his arms, half-pulled into his lap like a scared child - that pressure came to a head, and Paulo pulled away to shift, only far enough to give him the clearance to cup Toby’s face in his hands, kissing him again. 

“I love you,” he said softly. 

The distress that had clouded Toby’s face broke open and the sun shone through. “I love you, too,” he said immediately, as if the words had already been right there, bursting to come out. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Paulo’s, his smile wide and full of wonder, lighting up the room and banishing every last fear and insecurity from Paulo’s mind. “So fucking much."

“Really?” The question was out of Paulo’s mouth before he could even think to stop it, and he bit his lip as Toby pulled away from him again, his eyes wide. “I mean--”

Toby cut him off by scoffing out an incredulous laugh, then immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he said, muffled, his eyes sparkling. Paulo furrowed his brow and blinked slowly in confusion, but Toby moved his hand quickly and gave him a soft, sweet kiss instead. “I just... god, yes. How could I not? How could  _ anyone _ not? You’re so... you’re so genuine.” 

Paulo blazed with a blush of pleased embarrassment. He searched Toby’s eyes with his own, not quite sure how to respond to that, but Toby didn’t give him much of a chance to mull it over. 

“I just mean... you feel so deeply that it just bursts out of you. You  _ radiate _ joy when you’re happy... and you radiate it around me.” He was bright pink from his forehead to his ears and all the way down his chest, now, which warmed Paulo - physically and from the inside as well. He knew that he had, as Dele and Harry Winks teasingly called it - and now had the entire team calling it - ‘no chill whatsoever’, but it had always felt like something that he needed to try to work on, to control. The way Toby was framing it made it feel like a  _ good _ quality, made him feel so deeply accepted that his heart would have hurt, but for Toby putting a hand over it, as if he knew. “Even before this, I have  _ felt _ loved by you for so long.” 

“Toby...” Paulo swallowed. He was still cupping Toby’s face gently in his hands, and he stroked Toby’s cheekbones with his thumbs. He was unable to look anywhere other than Toby’s eyes, now shining with something brighter and more beautiful than ever, truly akin to a perfectly clear summer sky. If ever there was a way to see heaven from earth, this was it, and the view was magnificent.

He wanted to say that he was honored. To say that for someone as strong and compassionate and sincere as Toby to find him worthy of love was such a gift - one that he would treasure forever and then some. He wanted to say that he was just now realising how long he had truly been in love with Toby, never stopping and reflecting long enough to give it a name, but finding such joy and comfort in the way that it wrapped around him, making him feel as safe as Toby’s arms did right this second. 

His love for Jan had been as sudden and inevitable as a meteor slamming into the earth. Neither of them had seen it coming, but when it did, there was no stopping it - they could only hold onto each other as tightly as possible while their lives changed in an instant. 

His love for Toby was more comparable to a volcano - it bubbled under the surface for so long, causing shifts, causing earthquakes, causing billowing smoke that could be seen for miles, but it took an extraordinary build up of pressure to make it erupt. 

With no warning, Toby kissed him again, and any chance that Paulo had of putting those words together melted out of his mind. Toby laid one palm gently against Paulo’s cheek, the other sliding up his neck to card through his hair, soft as a breeze. When Paulo tried to pull back, to form the words, to say something even half as beautiful as Toby had just said to him, Toby’s hand tightened into his hair, holding him still and shocking him into gaping helplessly.

“Stop trying to talk and just kiss me,” he said. Paulo had no control over his soft, surprised, delighted giggle, and Toby responded with an impish grin of his own. “I wasn’t expecting to get away with that,” he teased. “Now I  _ know _ you love me.”


	3. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paulo was actually feeling more at peace now than he had been in weeks - but with the way that everything had spiraled, the wild swing of emotions, the exhaustion of the whole evening, taking control was what he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written primarily by ayerlind 😍

It was nearing nine o’clock at night when Toby and Paulo finally hauled themselves off the floor. They hadn’t moved for the better part of an hour, tangled up in a mess of limbs, steadily cycling through kissing, talking, and just sitting there, wrapped up together in a warm, content silence, Paulo’s head resting right over Toby’s heart, Toby’s arms remaining around him the entire time. The only thing that dragged them out of that, even, was Paulo’s annoyingly insistent bladder. 

When Paulo grumbled about it, Toby laughed. “Well, I would come with you, but I think cuddling while you pee would be weird.”

It was Paulo’s turn to laugh, partly because it was funny and partly because Toby saying the word ‘cuddling’ was always oddly delightful. He remembered something, then, and glanced questioningly between Toby and the chair in the corner. “Do you still feel need for punishment?” he asked softly. If Toby needed the pain and surrender to clear his head, Paulo wanted to do it, but honestly, he wasn’t sure how he would even frame it - he absolutely refused to put any blame on Toby for the way their evening had gone.

Toby gave him another one of his brilliant smiles, ducking his head shyly. “Not anymore. I think I just got everything I needed.”

Paulo didn’t bother hiding his relief - or the sappy smile that his words brought out. They had both done enough crying for one night; he didn’t have any desire to see Toby doing any more. He kissed him and smiled. “Good.”

Groaning, he stretched his aching back and wiggled a little where he stood, his ass having long since gone numb from sitting there. Toby laughed again, this time an absolutely adorable giggle. Paulo stuck his tongue out, then turned to excuse himself to the en suite - and was surprised by a little swat on the ass. 

He eyed Toby over his shoulder; Toby shrugged innocently. “Just trying to help,” he said with a wink, and then he turned and scampered out, flashing a grin over his shoulder. “Love you!”

It was about the tenth time he’d said it, and Paulo loved it every time. 

“You might earn yourself a spanking anyway, _malcriado!”_ Paulo called after him, smirking to himself. It was an affectionate nickname, at least between them, but he had also started to use it as a signal, a sign that he was ready to be a little more stern, or that he was feeling the need to seek out some control. He was actually feeling more at peace now than he had been in weeks - but with the way that everything had spiraled, the wild swing of emotions, the exhaustion of the whole evening, taking control was what _he_ needed. 

When he came out, he saw that Toby had returned to the couch, occupying himself once again with petting Teo. When Paulo came in, Toby looked up and his grin blossomed immediately. 

Paulo managed to keep his reflexive smile back tempered, and he raised his eyebrows, keeping his gaze trained on Toby. Toby may not have any need or desire to be punished for their misunderstanding, but he also didn’t want to let that casual slap on the ass go unaddressed - not when he could use it as such a perfect transition. Toby’s eyes widened, and he dropped his gaze immediately to the floor, giving Paulo a chance to let the smile cross his face. 

They had developed a certain way of communicating with each other, Paulo and his boys, to let each other know without words whether or not they wanted to have a little more structure to their time together, more emphasis on the Dominant/submissive dynamic they all enjoyed. Both Toby and Jan had their own ways to signal if they needed it, needed to submit, but Paulo had his own ways as well to let them know when he needed that extra something, that satisfaction that he got from control over them. The stare he had just levelled at Toby was a challenge, yes-- but it was also a question. By lowering his eyes, Toby had answered it: _Yes, I'm ready, ready to submit._ If he had not been in the right frame of mind, though, Toby could have kept his eyes on Paulo's, and the message would have been just as clear: _Not now, I'm not there just now,_ and Paulo would have willingly let it go. The games they played were only fun when all involved wanted it, with no hesitation or uncertainty.

Wordlessly, Toby slid off of the couch and onto his knees, sitting back on his heels, and clasped his hands behind his back. Paulo passed him by, then reached down to pet Teo, gently waking him up. 

“Outside?” he asked. Teo perked up, his tail wagging so eagerly that it beat against the cushion. Paulo made a little kissy face at him, then looked down at Toby. “Toby, out of the way.”

Toby scrambled to his feet and stepped out from the space between the couch and the coffee table, letting Teo hop down and go past him. Toby smiled down at Teo, and Paulo hid a smile at that. 

“Back where you were,” he instructed. 

He turned to let Teo out without bothering to watch for Toby’s compliance, having every reason to assume that he would do what he was told. He left the back door cracked and stayed in the kitchen while Teo was out, leaning against the worktop by the refrigerator and peering back into the living room. Toby was back on his knees, back in his proper position with his head down and hands behind his back, and Paulo just enjoyed looking at him for a minute. He was unfairly gorgeous - both of his boys were - and Paulo pouted again over Jan not being free yet. The only thing that could make this better would be if both of them were knelt in there waiting for his return. 

The television was still on the same channel that had been showing the documentary when they were eating, but the programme had switched to something about conspiracy theories - currently one about Princess Diana. It looked fairly absurd, but he would change it when he got in there. “You may watch,” he called, and Toby lifted his head with a smile. 

Paulo had to smother a snicker when Toby looked at the TV, then made an expressively skeptical face. 

When Teo nudged the door open, Paulo dipped down to scratch his head, picked up the water bowl so that he didn’t end up needing to go out again in the wee hours, and padded back into the living room, dropping heavily onto the couch. “Here,” he said, patting his leg. “You may relax.”

Toby eagerly slid to the side, crossing his legs instead and scooting until he was right up against Paulo’s leg, sitting at his feet. He rested his head against Paulo’s thigh, smiling when Teo came over, as he usually did when Toby was on his level. Toby scratched him under the chin, and thus appeased, Teo hopped up onto the couch, doing two full turns on the cushion before he basically collapsed with a huff.

Paulo chuckled, resting one hand on Teo’s head to scratch his ears, and one hand on Toby’s head, running his fingers through his lovely, soft hair. “Find something else for us to watch,” he said, really not interested in hearing much more about CCTV footage and strobe lights.

Toby stretched so that he could snag the remote control off of the coffee table without moving his head too much; if Paulo wanted to play with his hair, Toby was expected not to move away until he was done. When he got it, the channels began to flip, and flip, and flip. There really was nothing on that was worth watching, and they ended up right back where they started.

So, Paulo checked his phone again, beginning to develop a temporary hatred for Sophie’s cousins and their kids, who surely should have been taken home to sleep by now. 

As he was setting his phone down after the third time checking, he felt Toby just barely turning his head under Paulo’s hand, and with a quick look, caught him watching out of the corner of his eye. Toby swiftly returned his gaze to the TV, but his lips pressed together in badly disguised amusement. 

“You have something to say?” asked Paulo sharply. 

At that, Toby ducked, pressing his face against the outside of Paulo’s thigh and hiding it there as he shook his head. “No, sir,” he murmured, but Paulo could still hear a note of impish guilt, the same as when he’d shown Paulo the texts earlier, the same little lilt as when he’d teased Paulo about his pouting being cute. 

Paulo didn’t bother with a response - he simply leaned over and seized hold of Toby, hauling him roughly up off the floor. It was a feat, but it was helped by the fact that Toby’s struggle was entirely performative - once Toby had both feet underneath him, one good yank on his arm had him eagerly sprawling across Paulo's lap and most of the cushion next to him. 

With his grip still tight on Toby’s arm, Paulo gave him a shove, dislodging his upper body from the cushion and putting him well and truly over his knee. “Do you think that because I won’t punish you for _my_ mistake, I won’t punish you for anything?” 

“N-no, sir.”

He grasped Toby’s joggers by the seat, yanking on the fistful of fabric. Toby’s squirming kept them from moving at all, though, so Paulo simply spanked him once through the trousers. It was enough of a shock to make Toby yelp, and the surprise of it was sufficient to still him just long enough for Paulo to hook his fingers around the waistband and rip them down. He pulled hard enough that the joggers didn’t just expose his ass, they ended up about halfway down his thighs, and since Paulo had Toby over his knees, he could feel Toby starting to harden against him. 

He gave him another smack, this one lighter, on the other cheek. The difference was made up by absence of the fabric, though, and from Toby’s high whimper, it was still just as effective as the harder slap. He went on like this for a good couple of minutes, silently warming up each cheek in turn with varyingly light smacks of his palm against Toby’s smooth skin, following every few slaps with a kiss of fingertips dragged lightly across the abused skin, and occasionally, with no warning, aiming a slap or a light punch at the backside of Toby’s thighs. With every different approach, Toby squirmed and made a whole variety of desperate noises, and the sound of it pulsed under Paulo’s skin. 

He surveyed his handiwork so far - Both cheeks were glowing bright pink and hot under his fingers when he brushed them across Toby’s left cheek, pinching that one freckle that he loved, and grinning at Toby’s gasp. Toby’s thighs were less warmed up, since Paulo preferred his ass - in every sense of the word - but still slightly pinkened. 

Paulo kept one hand drifting softly across Toby’s ass and reached down with the other, twisting his fingers into Toby’s soft, disheveled hair, pulling his head up gently. _“¿Bueno?”_ he rumbled.

Toby nodded vehemently despite the grip on his hair, squirming and digging his erection into Paulo’s thigh. “Yes, sir.”

“You want more?”

“Please. _Ja._ Yes, sir.”

“More what?”

Beside him on the cushion, nearly forgotten, Paulo’s phone began to ring before Toby could answer - not with its usual tone, but with the shrill trill of FaceTime. 

Paulo’s heart skipped a happy beat as he snatched it up and tapped the screen and - temporarily - all thoughts of Toby’s ass were abandoned in favour of grinning delightedly when he saw Jan’s handsome face smiling back at him. 

_“Sorry that it took so long, sir,”_ he said immediately, and Paulo melted a little at the sincerity in his beautiful eyes. 

He shook his head, giving Jan as stern of a look as he could manage while barely biting back on his uncontrollable smile. “You make a commitment to be there with them tonight, and I expected you to honour it. Don’t apologise for following the rules.”

 _“You’re right. I won’t,”_ Jan said, his smile somewhere between bashful and proud. His expression shifted to something more tempered and concerned, though, and he bit his lip. _“Where’s-- I mean, how did things with Toby...?”_

“Oh!” Paulo grinned wickedly, waiting for Jan’s expression to shift once again to openly confused, then looked down at Toby, keeping the camera off of him. “Here, _liefje_ , you hold this and tell Jan what he wants to know. I have something to finish, yes?” 

He leaned over enough to give Toby the phone, and couldn’t help grinning when Jan’s jaw dropped: from the little picture-in-picture in the corner of the screen, he knew that Jan could now see Toby’s face, see that his ass was bare and he’d been put over Paulo’s knee, and easily see Paulo, who smirked down at him and shifted his thigh under Toby’s weight, providing just enough friction against his cock to make him moan softly. 

“Go on,” he said to Toby. It was always so much fun to make Toby do this, to watch him blush and mumble through recounting their sessions. 

Toby’s ears turned a slightly deeper shade of pink. “Hi, Jantje,” he said demurely. “How was dinner with your--” he let out a yelp as Paulo gave him another sharp smack on the bottom with no warning. “--family?”

Jan laughed. _“Fine, but I’d much rather hear about your evening than talk about mine. Looks like things are better now?”_

Toby nodded. “Much, although I’m afraid I was a little… naughty… right before you called, so I earned myself a spanking,” he mumbled, though his voice rose to a squeak on the word _naughty_ when Paulo brought his hand down on Toby’s glowing cheeks again.

 _“Mmm, good,”_ Jan said, grinning. _“You’re always so cute when you’ve been bad.”_

“You’re one to talk,” Toby retorted, making Paulo stifle a snort of laughter.

He smirked, caressing the warm skin of Toby’s backside. “Ask him, _schatje._ ”

_“Ah, yeah, we’re talking about you right now, not me. So tell me the story behind that text earlier already, yeah? Something about getting fucked so hard you passed out?”_

Toby ducked his head, the back of his neck now as red as his buttocks. “So, Paulo didn’t like that I borrowed Mich’s soap today, and he had me take a shower--” Toby broke off again when Paulo spanked him again, but his voice trailed off into a moan this time rather than a yelp. “Actually, he kind of, um. Chained me _to_ the shower.”

 _“Holy shit,”_ Jan breathed. _“I am so mad I didn’t get to see that.”_

Toby giggled. “Once I smelled like his again, he, erm, fucked my mouth for a little while, then he gagged me and tied my hands behind my back and fucked me until I pretty much passed out standing up.” Paulo punctuated Toby’s words with a light slap, almost more of a tease than anything, each time Toby said _fucked._ He didn’t want to get too carried away; he didn’t intend for Toby to get too excited just from the spanking.

Jan’s mouth was hanging open by the time Toby had finished talking. _“Merde, I miss all the fun,”_ he complained with an impressive pout.

“Yeah, you do,” Toby said, and Paulo could hear an identical pout in his voice. “It was unbelievable. When are you coming over?” 

Paulo let his fingers drift softly over Toby’s reddened skin, looking down at the phone to see Jan make a sweet, sympathetic face at Toby’s sulking. He loved how sweet they were together - how loudly and brightly they loved each other. 

_“Tomorrow night,”_ promised Jan. They could see him walking through his house from the kitchen to the living room, then sitting down heavily on the couch. He got comfortable, then took a long sip from a glass of water, setting it off somewhere to the side before he looked at the camera again. _“That hasn’t changed. And you’re still going to be there, yeah?”_

“I’m still going to be here,” Toby confirmed. 

They smiled at each other for a second - until Paulo gave Toby’s ass another sharp slap on the right cheek, which he realised had been somewhat neglected. Toby gasped and squirmed, and with the squirm, his feet found purchase on the carpet. He managed to angle his hips, digging his erection into Paulo’s thigh, and Paulo immediately popped him again. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” he said sharply. “You enjoy this a little too much. Get up and give me that. You have some things to take care of in the kitchen, then you may come to bed and join us.” 

Toby made a soft noise of protest, but he passed the phone back and collected himself from his position bent over Paulo’s knee, wincing as he eased his joggers back up over his sensitive skin. The massive tent in Toby’s blue trousers made Paulo grin, and he turned the phone so that Jan could see it, too. 

Jan whistled appreciatively, and Toby blushed. 

“Go on,” Paulo said, making a shooing motion with one hand. 

Toby ducked his head. “Yes, sir,” he said. He smiled into the camera, softly said, _“We zullen snel praten, Jantje,”_ and collected the takeaway containers from the coffee table before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Paulo watched him go, then looked back at Jan, smirking at the look on his face as the sound of running water and clinking dishes drifted in from the kitchen. He stood up and stretched, then headed for the bedroom. “I chain him to the shower by his nipples, by the way,” he said casually. 

_"Ooh,"_ Jan said, his eyebrows jumping up towards his hairline. _"That's something new, eh? Using that for restraint? Did he like it?"_

Paulo laughed as he pushed open the door to the bedroom. "Almost too much. I have to pull him back a couple of times." He set the phone on his nightstand, propped up against the fat grey lamp set upon it. 

_"Poor Tobes."_ Jan chuckled, and Paulo could see him shifting on the couch. He hesitated. _"So everything is… really okay? I mean…"_

"Yes, _schatje._ It is." Paulo smiled gently. "I apologised to him, don't worry, and I think he forgive me, too." He took his time as he spoke, plucking some clean boxers out of the drawer and dropping them on the bed, moving closer to the camera before he slowly lifted his shirt, teasingly exposing his abs and chest. He worked it up excruciatingly slowly before he pulled the shirt all the way off and tossed it into the mesh hamper beside the bureau. "How about you, my Jan? Do you forgive me for making you worry?" His voice was coy, even flirtatious, but it was also a serious question.

 _"Sí, señor. As long as you treat him right."_ Jan's eyes suddenly sparkled. _"But of course he gets all of… this…"_ Jan gestured at Paulo. _"All to himself tonight, so it's hard to feel too sorry for him."_

Paulo aimed a smirk at Jan, pulling down the front of his trousers and boxers to show off - soft though it was, he knew that Jan liked his dick any way that he could get it. He wiggled the rest of the way out of both and let them fall to the floor, deftly kicking them across the room and directly into the hamper. Now naked, he took his time picking up the clean boxers, giving Jan all sorts of angles on his way to pulling them on. 

_"Yeah,"_ Jan said softly, his hand brushing lightly back and forth across his lower abdomen. _"Toby's definitely the lucky one here."_

Paulo shot him a grin. "You are sweet, but no. The lucky one here is me." He sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing gently as he grabbed the phone again. He set up the excess of pillows so that he could get comfy and reclined into them, crossing his ankles and putting one arm behind his head, settling into place with a little wiggle and a contented sigh. 

_"I love you,"_ Jan murmured. _"I'm glad you're both okay."_

"Me too, _cariño."_ Paulo sighed. "I think I have some worry about not getting to see him as much when the baby comes," he admitted.

Jan smiled at him sympathetically. _"That's understandable, paaltje,"_ he said. _"Is that what made you freak out at him?"_

Paulo squirmed uncomfortably. "Maybe. Toby said I should know better. I just… it seem like everything change with Coco after Tobias was born, so..."

 _"Okay, but see, the difference is, Coco's not sleeping with you-- that I know of,"_ Jan teased. _"It does tend to change your priorities, yeah?"_

They giggled together at that for a moment, then the bedroom door opened, and Toby slipped into the room. Paulo kept his attention on the phone, fully expecting Toby to stand patiently at the end of the bed, strip down or change into whatever he planned on wearing to sleep, and wait to be acknowledged - so it was a mild surprise when the bed dipped and without preamble, Toby crawled right up, collapsed with a sigh, and cuddled up to Paulo, already trying to bite back a yawn. 

Paulo raised his eyebrows at the top of Toby’s head. 

_"You're brave tonight,"_ Jan murmured. _"What happened to the Toby who likes kneeling and waiting?"_

"He's tired," Toby grumbled back, pouting. "And sore."

 _"Been on your knees that much?"_ Jan lifted an eyebrow.

"No," Toby said, blushing. "It's my ass that's sore, mostly, between being fucked silly and then spanked."

 _"Oh, well then,"_ Jan laughed. _"Not sure skipping the niceties is smart, though, if you're already sore."_

Paulo considered it briefly. He could keep up with the dynamic that they’d fallen into, but his need for control in this moment had been sated, and Toby was clearly spent as well. With a melodramatic sigh, he lifted his arm and allowed Toby to snuggle up under it, which he happily did, resting his head on Paulo’s chest as Paulo’s hand brushed through his hair. 

“ _Man, why do you get away with everything?”_ Jan teased. 

Toby hummed contentedly, and Paulo felt his little grin. “Because he loves me,” Toby said. Paulo could see his smirk on the screen, and saw it even better when Toby tipped his head back, looking up at him with those wide, endlessly expressive summer blue eyes of his. Paulo couldn’t help but smile back when Toby added, “Right?” 

Paulo pressed a kiss against his forehead. _“Sí, mi cielito._ Because I love you.”

Even after saying it to each other repeatedly already, Paulo still felt Toby radiating with pleasure, his face getting quite warm against Paulo’s skin when he stretched up enough to nuzzle into the crook of Paulo’s neck. “I love you, too,” he murmured, and suddenly Paulo couldn’t tell where Toby’s blush ended and his own began. 

_"Wait, wait, wait, wait,"_ Jan sputtered. _"Did you just… I mean…? When did this happen?"_

Toby's eyes shone with delight as he giggled at Jan's dumbstruck face. "Just a bit ago," he said, snuggling even closer to Paulo. "After…"

"After I apologised," Paulo rumbled, squeezing Toby tight against his side. "It just… came out." He angled his head to look into Toby's eyes again, then kissed him soundly. "I love you," he said yet again. "I think I have loved you for a while now."

Toby melted against him, sighing happily as Paulo kissed him again and again. When they finally broke apart, Jan was positively beaming at them.

 _"I'm so happy for you,"_ he said, sounding a little wistful. _"I love you both so much."_

"Love you too, Jantje," Toby murmured, and Paulo echoed him. Then Toby grinned, and there was mischief in his eyes. "Jealous, are you?" he teased.

Jan stuck out his tongue at Toby. _"Quit making me want to pack up and come straight over there right now,"_ he said, his voice huffy. _"It's already late; it's not fair."_

Toby giggled. "Aww, sorry. Can I make it up to you?"

Jan hummed thoughtfully, then smirked. _"Tell me more about this shower earlier. I think we left off with Paulo fucking your mouth?"_

Toby wiggled a bit in Paulo's arms. "It was so hot, Jan. I still had the clamps on, and…" He stammered and broke off. Something inside Paulo went icy cold as he realised what Toby must be remembering-- that for the first time, Toby had had to ask Paulo to back off.

He felt his face flush with shame. It was irrational, he knew, but he wanted to stop Toby from saying it; part of him didn't want Jan to know. He could never stop Toby from confiding in Jan, though, so he just bit his lip and buried his face in Toby's hair.

 _"And…?"_ Jan's voice was curious.

"It-- well, I loved it, he was being rough and it was just what I needed, but then I kind of inhaled some water and felt like I couldn’t breathe and, um, panicked a little, actually. I think I scared poor Paulo."

Paulo lifted his face again and looked directly at Jan. He was full of shame, but he couldn't let Toby make it out to be any less serious than it had been. "He had to say ‘yellow’," Paulo admitted in a small voice. "I… I got carried away, and didn't realise…"

"It wasn't your fault," Toby said quickly. "I'm just still not nearly as good at taking all of you in my mouth as Jan is, and the water made it even harder, was all. And it's not like you can help it that you've got a big dick," he said cheekily, pinching Paulo's side to make him squirm.

Jan burst out laughing, and something untwisted inside Paulo, a little bit at least. He gave Toby a small smile, running his fingers through his soft blond hair. "Still, I should have been paying better attention," he muttered, unable, maybe unwilling, to let go of the guilt that easily.

"Paulo," Toby said, and his voice was so gentle that it made Paulo want to cry. "Please stop beating yourself up about it. No one is perfect, and that's why we have our safety signals, yeah? As soon as you knew something wasn't right, you stopped and figured out how to make it right. Not just right-- you managed to turn it into one of the hottest experiences of my life. The things you made me feel…"

 _"And think of it this way,"_ Jan interjected softly. _"We've been together how many months now and this is the first time this has happened? Almost a year. And if either of us ever doubted, even the slightest bit, now we have proof of how you will react if we ever do have to stop you. I don't know about Tobes, but that makes me love you even more, if that's possible."_

Paulo's eyes were shut tight, trying to ward off tears, but he felt Toby nod. He wanted to say something, anything, to acknowledge the enormous gift his boys were giving him, this reaffirming of their trust in him, but his throat was far too constricted for words. Instead he squeezed Toby tightly, swallowing hard.

 _“Tobes,”_ Jan said softly, _“laten we praten. Het zal de druk van hem afnemen.”_

Paulo felt Toby shift and nod. _“Goed idee. Hoe gaat het met Sophie? We hebben de laatste tijd niet gepraat.”_

They started chatting quietly in Dutch about, as far as Paulo could tell, next to nothing, but between the soothing sound of their voices and the fact that the attention was off of him, he started to relax. Even though it had been the good kind of attention, it was still just so intense, and he had precious little energy left to even try to mask his overstimulated emotions. He didn’t open his eyes quite yet, just letting their conversation wash over him, steadily running his fingers through Toby’s hair and enjoying the fact that they were snuggled up together with Jan, even if he wasn’t there. 

He had absolutely no intention of dozing off, but he was exhausted and comfortable, Toby warm against his side. He didn’t fall completely asleep - it was a light enough doze that when he stopped petting Toby, his sad noise was enough to make Paulo open his eyes, finding Toby pouting up at him. 

“Sorry,” he murmured, smiling. He resumed the petting, mildly embarrassed, but it didn’t last long - largely because he dozed right back off. This time the thing that woke him up was dropping the phone, and he blushed a little when he opened his eyes to Toby and Jan laughing quietly. 

He narrowed his eyes at the screen once he righted the phone, and Jan only flashed him a grin. 

_“Tobes, put him to bed. You two get some sleep - you’ve had a hell of a day.”_

“You could at least pretend that I’m the Dom here,” grumbled Paulo, but the gigantic yawn that punctuated his sentence took most of the sting out of his complaint. When Jan smirked and Toby laughed, Paulo huffed, scooting around in order to get himself under the covers and toss the extra pillows over to the other side of the bed. “Fine.”

 _“Come on, Toby, your turn,”_ Jan prodded, and Toby readily slid under the covers as well before taking up his spot snuggled right up against Paulo.

Paulo managed one more glare at the screen. “I’m going to remember this tomorrow night,” he murmured. 

Jan’s smirk didn’t go anywhere - it only grew. _“I’m counting on it,”_ he said impishly, and made a kissy face at the camera. _“Te amo, señor_.”

Paulo was tired, but not too tired to feel a deep glow at his words. He would never tire of hearing that. He hummed contentedly, making the same face right back. “ _Te amo, cariño.”_

“ _Ik hou van je, Tobes_.”

Toby waved before he dropped his arm heavily around Paulo’s midsection. _“Ik hou van je.”_

There was a brief pause before Jan raised his eyebrows. _“Your turn,”_ he repeated expectantly. 

Paulo laughed, turning his head toward Toby for a kiss. “I love you,” he said softly. 

Toby smiled beautifully, his eyelids heavy, and Paulo couldn’t help but to kiss him again. “I love you, too,” Toby whispered. 

_“There we go. Goodnight, my loves.”_

Paulo and Toby bid him goodnight and Paulo ended the call. He used his phone to turn the lights off before dropping it on the bedside table, not even bothering to plug it in. Hugging Toby close even though he knew he would just wake up in a few hours, overheated and desperate to shove him away, Paulo dropped one last kiss on his hair, closed his eyes, and almost immediately fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my upcoming birthday, I request this: even if it's just a heart emoji, if this (or anything else on AO3!) makes you feel feelings, let the writer know! Something as simple as "I really liked this!" is legitimately enough fuel to sustain a fic writer through the better part of a cold hard winter. Honestly, I had all three of the existing chapters of this done before I posted the *first* one, but I had to take a month between each one to convince myself they were good enough to post. 
> 
> I think the only thing that won't translate perfectly in this one is "malcriado", the nickname that Paulo uses for Toby near the beginning. Google offers "spoiled" as the translation, but it's more along the lines of 'rascal' or 'brat' or 'rude little shit' XD


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